


Stage Lights and Sparklers

by phantasticphun



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Actor Dan Howell, Director!phil, Friends to Lovers, Humor, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Mentions of homophobia, Mutual Pining, Pining, Strangers to Friends, Swearing, actor!dan, director phil lester, mentions of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-04 18:45:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 27,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15153320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantasticphun/pseuds/phantasticphun
Summary: When a friend from university asks Phil to direct his new musical on the West End, he is ecstatic. The only thing that would make him happier is if he got to direct musical sensation and actor, Dan Howell. As rehearsals begin, Dan and Phil realize that the drama might not end up being only on stage.





	1. Chapter 1

Dan Howell loved music. He always had. From the time he began wanting to play the piano when he was twelve, to the time he landed his first record deal, Dan loved music and never wanted to stop loving music. He adored acting, as well, and that love seemed like it was always there. He had always loved to act in Christmas pageants and in drama class galas, but his love for theater was really sparked when he played Benvolio in _Romeo and Juliet_ all the way back in Year Nine. To the day, he loved being on stage and feeling those stage lights on his face. He liked portraying someone else; feeling what they’d feel, doing what they’d do. And he liked how, whenever he acted, he could forget how he was a horribly lonely actor and musician living a life far from fabulous.

Sure, Dan’s life did match the definition of famous. People from all over the world would come to his concerts and watch him and dance and bounce up and down to the beat. He had a very large social media following and quite a fandom that proudly called themselves the Howellers. He’d been in a West End show before, a new musical called _The Somewhat Serious Sycophants_ , and both his avid fans and regular theater-goers went and praised his performance as the character of Maxwell. He had left the show after about a year to go on tour, but performing in _Serious Sycophants_ had opened a whole new world of performance possibilities for Dan. Dan could sing and act and people recognized his name, which was always a plus to get new shows starting up.

Just because people liked him and just because Dan was famous didn’t mean he was happy, though. A toxic mix of clinical depression and unforgiving loneliness didn’t exactly make Dan’s life rainbows and sugar and glitter. However, being on stage meant that for those few hours, he’d feel good. He’d feel _really_ good, actually. It took a lot for him not to feel good when he was performing but it had happened, so it wasn’t exactly out of the question.

Once, he had to perform a concert when he was really down and out and he still felt horribly guilty about it. He sang with hardly any enthusiasm, he played the piano with a strange feeling of half-hearted harshness, and he ended the concert early, too. His manager, Darcy O’Hara, tried to make Dan continue, she tried to give him enough encouragement to keep going, but she failed. People had paid money to come watch him sing and strut around the stage and play the piano-- the regular sort of variety that his fans had come to expect from any Dan Howell performance-- and he had let them down. He let all of them down by doing everything with minimal enthusiasm. He was mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted though, and what was he supposed to do?

The other time Dan had been too depressed and unable to perform, period, was when he was playing Maxwell in _Serious Sycophants_ and his understudy had to go on for him. Dan was out for an entire week, lying face-down on his bedroom floor in his London apartment rather than performing. Not that he disliked his understudy or something, he was quite nice and named Robert, but people expected Dan to be at their performance. To them, Robert was good but _just not Dan_. When he didn’t perform for a week, people on Tumblr and Twitter and Instagram and every other social media platform Dan could even think of were speculating about what had happened. Had he gotten hit by a truck? Died? Had aliens transported him to their base and were they anally probing him?

The Howellers hadn’t all picked up that Dan wasn’t exactly mentally stable. They liked to speculate about things and make jokes, but depression was a heavy topic, of course. Sure, he had mentioned it a couple of times in his lyrics but some of them were sure that Dan was just being his deep, philosophical self and that’s all the dark, depressing words meant... nothing more. He hadn’t yet outright said “Ah, yes, I’m depressed” and felt like he never could, really. He’d feel too exposed if he straight-up said something like that. Still, he never outright said “I like boys” and they all picked that fact up when he sang songs praising some mysterious (and definitely imaginary) special person with male pronouns the first time.

In short, Dan hid his feelings by performing. He lived for performing. He honestly probably would have killed himself in some overly-dramatic way already, complete with a _Heathers_ -style suicide note, if he hadn’t remembered that he was on the Earth to perform for others, to make others happy.

And that’s what was important to Dan, so he had to keep on living. If he couldn’t live for himself, he had to live for everyone else.

 

~~~

 

Philip Lester was a director. He had dabbled in short films throughout his childhood and up through university, even posting a couple of silly videos on YouTube only to take them down a couple of years later. He loved creating things, telling stories, and he wanted to share important stories with other people, as well. After uni, he didn’t really know what he was going to do with a Bachelor of Arts in English and a Masters in video production, but he knew he wanted to create stories.

When a friend of his from university, a smart fellow named Alec Garfield, showed him a script for a play he’d written a couple of years ago, something inside of Phil clicked. He loved that play, and although he’d never been really into theater during his childhood, he had always adored films. Although it was never successfully performed, that play allowed Phil to finally find out what he wanted to do, and that was to put on shows. He wanted to direct.

As far as Phil knew, Alec was still writing plays and musicals and he’d perform them regionally and at festivals. He hadn’t talked to Alec for quite a while, but they were Facebook friends and he generally knew what was going on with his life.

Phil hadn’t become a big-name director, yet, although he never really expected to be. He had done a few regional plays and musicals and set up workshops and read-throughs of other shows, but nothing on Broadway, the West End, or anyplace else of any significance, that’s for sure. Still, as long as he was telling a story to _someone_ who’d come and see the performance, he was content.

Phil adored music, as well, although he didn’t consider himself terribly musically inclined. He particularly loved instrumentals and film scores, and when it came to music with lyrics, about the only artist that was above Muse was Dan Howell.

_Dan Howell_ . Phil could rave about him all day. He was perfect. His voice was perfect, his physique, his piano playing, his musicality, his acting, his hair… his _everything_. It was Phil’s dream to one day direct Dan in a show. Phil would put his heart and soul into that show because one of most amazing men to ever walk on this Earth would be his little, insignificant play. Dan was practically a God to Phil.

Phil was, in general, content, but he’d never stop trying new things. He’d direct new shows and maybe one day, he’d land a job directing something bigger than he ever had before. He wanted to tell stories and loved to help actors do so. That was what was important to him: he wanted people to be entertained, to be educated. He wanted to help aid a person’s life, even if it was only one show at a time.

 

~~~

 

Both Dan and Phil lacked something. This thing-- whatever it was-- was elusive and seemed impossible to reach, but they’d never stop fighting for it. They needed to keep going for their fans, for the people who came and watched their creations, for the people they knew they impacted, so they kept on living. They kept on fighting for their ambiguous, elusive dreams. They kept on trying to do their best.


	2. Chapter 2

It was a sunny Tuesday afternoon in springtime. Phil wasn’t directing a show, so he spent most of his life locked away in his small London flat surfing the internet. That day, he wasn’t planning to do anything in particular and was about to go out to the store for some groceries. Just before he was going to close his laptop and head out, he got a notification that he’d just received an email.

 

    _Alec Garfield_

_Direct my new musical?  
_

 

Phil blinked twice at the screen. He hadn't talked to Alec in at least five years, and yet, here he was emailing Phil. The subject line did peak his interest, though. Alec had written a new musical, apparently, and he wanted Phil to direct it. Phil sat back down at his desk and opened the email.

 

    _Hi Phil,_

_It’s been far too long! That’s not why I’m here emailing you, though. I have some very exciting news and I want to present to you a directing opportunity. Let me say-- not to toot my own horn or anything-- but it is a directing opportunity of a lifetime._

_My fiance, Leah Right, and I recently wrote a musical titled_ Starlight Sorcery _. We ran it regionally in Norwich for a weekend and there happened to be a producer named Harold Pursley-Spriggs from London at one of the performances. He contacted me and Leah after watching the show and said that within the next few months, there’s an open theatre in the West End, and he wants to run the show there!_

_The director from the Norwich production doesn’t want to have to move to London, temporarily even, and I don’t feel qualified enough to direct, myself. Of course, we need a director, so I was wondering if you’d like to do it. I know we haven’t talked in a while but Leah, Harold, and I all think you’d be a fantastic fit._

_The script is attached to this email if you’d like to take a look before deciding if you’d like to join the team. Thanks for your consideration._

_Regards,_

_Alec Garfield_

 

Phil was ecstatic. He had practically just gotten himself a job directing a West End show with absolutely no effort and he was doing it for a friend, too. He didn’t even have to read the script to know that he was taking the offer. He emailed Alec back immediately.

After clicking a confident ‘send,’ Phil opened the attached PDF and read the first couple of pages. He was hooked.

The show was a special, intriguing mix of a pretty regular sci-fi/fantasy story and a sort of thought-provoking surrealist adventure. It was somewhat familiar but also incredibly new and exciting. Phil could really figure out why that Harold Pursley-Spriggs guy wanted to put the show in front of a West End audience so badly.

The plot was somewhat simple: the main character, a young man named Dara, seemed like he was a normal human. One day, he discovers he possesses a super-powerful star magic. In a far off-galaxy, two warriors named Soleil and Lune are instructed by the Queen to bring the incredibly-powerful Dara to their kingdom in order to help them in their efforts to stop an intergalactic war that has gone on for centuries. Dara shows the people of these galaxies that they shouldn’t fight to solve their problems and that everyone is useful and unique in a society.

Although the plot was pretty simple, the character of Dara was absolutely not. Dara struggles with doing what the Queen wants him to do-- which is absolutely destroy the other side with this star magic-- and with what he believes is morally right. Phil connected deeply with Dara and there wasn’t even an actor performing for him: he was only reading the script. His job was going to be pretty easy because of Alec’s incredible writing.

Phil’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He wasn’t making it to the store any time soon.

Phil picked up the phone to find it was Alec.

“Moshi moshi,” Phil said as he brought the phone to his ear.

“Hey, hey, hey! Phil! It’s a good thing that you still have the same number because otherwise, that would’ve been really awkward…” he chuckled softly.

“Yeah, uh, I wouldn’t want to be in that situation,” Phil smiled to himself as he scrolled back up through the script. “I’m always so bad at making calls, anyway.”

“Ah, no problem there, mate.” Alec paused for a second, which was a rarity whenever talking to him. He was practically a ball of energy, constantly bouncing around a room and saying far too many words in every sentence. Alec did love to talk and when the time came to use words well, he always could. Writing plays-- writing anything, for that matter-- was a very good career choice for him. Still, Phil was somewhat surprised he’d choose a profession that was so quiet and private; Alec was certainly extroverted. Back in uni, Alec would always make Phil go to parties or clubs despite Phil’s dislike of them. Alec was a good friend, though, and he’d go through something much worse than a party for him.

“Anyways,” he continued, “I got your email back and I’m so happy that you’re willing to join the team.” Phil could practically hear the smile that Alec was wearing. “Have you read the script, yet? Do you like it?”

“Like it? I love it! You do have a way with words, Alec. I just have one question, though.”

“Yeah? Shoot.”

“Do you have the actors already or do we need to hold auditions and cast people?” Phil inquired.

“Well,” Alec began, “We still have most of the actors from the Norwich run. They know the show and the characters well, but I’m giving you some artistic liberty if you want to change anything. We might have to hold some auditions though.” He sighed. “Not only for ensemble roles, but for Dara, too. Dara’s actor got another job and can’t perform in London, which kind of sucks a lot because he was awfully good at it and Dara’s such a tough role to pull off.”

“Oh, well, a good Dara is going to be hard to find, unfortunately. You’re right about that.” Suddenly, though, Phil had an explosive and wonderful thought. “I might have someone in mind, though.”

“And who would that be?” Alec asked.

“Dan Howell.”

Alec began to laugh. He began to laugh very, very hard. “Dan Howell?! You think _Dan Howell_ is going to be in _my_ stupid little show?!”

“Alec, it’s not a stupid little show. It’s going to be performed in a West End theater, and Dan’s been in a West End show before. It was called _The Somewhat Serious Sycophants._ I saw it, he played the lead.” This was Phil’s chance to try to direct Dan and he was going to at least attempt to get Alec on his side. Phil knew it was a stretch, but maybe Dan would take the role. It wouldn’t hurt to ask. “He was very good in _Serious Sycophants_ and I think he’d be very good at Dara, too.”

“Mate, have you seen Dan Howell lately? He’s just got back from his _Dan is Not on Fire_ tour and I seriously doubt he’d be willing to take on another project any time soon, let alone _Starlight Sorcery_.” Alec was still chuckling.

“Okay, but,” Phil was doing everything he could to convince Alec to at least ask. “You do think he’d be a good Dara, right?”

“A good Dara? He’d be a great Dara, Phil.” Again, he paused. “But there’s no way we’re going to be able to get him.”

“Come on, please? Ask him.” He then added, “For me?”

“Fine, fine.”

Phil spun around on his office chair and pumped his fist in the air, just catching himself before losing his balance and falling off. “Great!”

“But,” Alec said, “Don’t yell at me when someone from his staff says no and we have to hold auditions for Dara, too.”

“Ah, we won’t know until you get the word, Alec.” As Phil heard the tapping of a keyboard over the phone, he added, “I’m sure a business email is some place on his website.” Phil was giddy with happiness. It could actually happen; he potentially could have Dan Howell in one of his shows.

“Alright mate, I better get going and do this, but I’ll talk to you later,” Alec said, beginning another email.

“Yeah, me too, I’ve got to go to the store and pick some things up,” Phil said, shutting his laptop.

Suddenly, the typing on Alec’s keyboard stopped. “Wait--” he said.

Phil stopped in his tracks. “What’s the matter?”

“Oh, uh… nothing.” It sure didn’t sound like nothing, but it didn’t seem like Alec really wanted to talk about whatever was bothering him. Alec said a quick, “Goodbye, Phil.”

Phil barely said a small “Bye!” before Alec hung up the phone.

Although what had just happened was a little strange, Phil was still too happy about everything else to give it much thought. He grabbed his wallet and keys and put his phone in his pocket.

Along with the usual things, Phil would be buying some celebratory Haribo at the store that day.


	3. Chapter 3

Dan sat at his white baby grand piano, playing some chords and humming a melody over them. It was a simple I / V / vi / IV progression-- something simple and known-- but Dan knew the progression well and liked to sing varying melodies over it, trying to find something new and fantastic for another hit song.

Suddenly, Dan’s phone buzzed in his pocket. It was a text from his manager, Darcy O’Hara.

 

_You’re home today, right? I got an email and I need to discuss something with you._

 

Dan sighed to himself. He knew whatever this email was, it was important, but he didn’t feel particularly hyped for human interaction that day. All he wanted to do was sit, hunched over his baby grand, and sing.

 

 _Yeah, I’m home._ He replied.

 

 _Great_ , she texted, along with a smiley emoji. _See you in a few, I’m on my way._

 

Although Darcy was Dan’s manager, he also considered her a good friend. She never opened up about her personal life much, but she was good for a laugh and Dan could depend on her.

Dan poured himself a bowl of Crunchy Nut, sat at his kitchen counter, and scrolled through Tumblr on his phone as he waited for Darcy to arrive. Just as he was washing his bowl, the buzzer to his flat rung and he pressed the button to let her in the door downstairs. She’d still take a minute or two to get up-- he lived in a rather large, two-floor penthouse at the very top of a high-rise-- but she was on her way.

Darcy knocked on the door and Dan opened it with a smile. “Hi, Darcy,” he said, closing the door behind her. She was carrying her briefcase, which was a surefire sign that she meant business. She was wearing a professional outfit to go with that briefcase: a blue, knitted, turtleneck jumper; black slacks; and pointy, shiny, black pumps. Her red-orange hair was in a messy bun and there was a pencil stuck through it. Dan never questioned it, but Darcy almost always had a pencil in her hair. Darcy didn’t seem like Darcy without that pencil.

“Hey, Dan,” she said, rushed. Whatever she was about to talk to him about, she seemed kind of nervous about it. She began up the stairs, into the first floor of the apartment. She walked over towards his dining room and once she got there, she took a seat at the head of the table. Dan followed, sitting on a corner seat next to her.

Darcy pulled her laptop out of her bag and turned it on. “So, Dan,” she said, pushing her glasses further up her pointed nose, “I’ve just received an email. I’ll pull it up and read it because it’s a little long-winded and I need to discuss some things that the email says.”

“Okay,” he said, still rather confused, “but what exactly is this all about?”

She clicked the email, sighing a little to herself. “Just give me a second while I get it up.” She began to read aloud.

 

_Dear Darcy O’Hara and Daniel Howell,_

_I am Alec Garfield, a playwright. I’ve written a musical titled_ Starlight Sorcery _and it is being performed on the West End starting this August. It first ran regionally in Norwich, but there needs to be some casting done. The director I am working with, named Phil Lester, and I think that Dan would be a fantastic fit for the lead role of Dara._

_No audition would be necessary; all we need is a confirmation that Dan would be willing to join the team. We can arrange a meeting to discuss the legalities later, but I’ve also attached an example company form and a range of paychecks that would be suitable. Also attached is a PDF file of the script and libretto._

_I hope you and Dan take the time to look over the script and consider everything. Dan would be a wonderful addition to our cast!_

_Thank you,_

_Alec Garfield_

 

“Holy shit!” Dan jumped out of his chair. “I don’t have to audition or anything!”

“Dan…” Darcy half-whispered. It was a small attempt to get his attention.

He continued. “Another West End show! I mean, of course, I'll have to look at the script to confirm everything, but if it’s going on the West End, it’s got to be great, right?”

“Dan…” Darcy repeated, slightly louder.

“But, _Starlight Sorcery_ \-- that’s an intriguing name, don’t you think?” He spun Darcy’s laptop towards him. “And I feel like I’ve heard that director’s name someplace, too. Phil Lester? Hm… but I just don’t know where, exactly.”

Darcy took a deep breath before almost shouting, “Dan!”

“What’s the matter?” He asked, somewhat aspirated. Dan sat back down in his chair as Darcy turned the laptop back towards her. “Don’t you think it’s a great opportunity?”

“Well, it’s a good opportunity, but--”

Dan was confused. “But what?”

“But I don't think it’s a good idea.” Darcy looked cold and stone-faced as she stared back down at the email.

“Well, why ever the fuck not, Darce?”

Darcy sighed. “Language, Dan. You’re a professional.”

“Whatever,” Dan huffed. “Still, you’re being ridiculous. Why on Earth wouldn’t I take up the opportunity? I’ve gotten back from a tour and have had my time to rest, but I’m not doing anything of much importance right now.” He tapped his finger on the table a couple of times to emphasize his point. “This is a thing of importance!”

“Dan, it’s just that…” She paused for a moment, looking into Dan’s fiery eyes. “I don’t have to read the script to know it’s a bad idea.”

Dan folded his arms across his chest. “You’re still not giving me a reason.”

Darcy looked back down at the screen before slamming the laptop lid closed. Dan retreated; this was apparently a heavy subject. He took a deep breath and said, “Look, Darcy, I don’t want to make you upset or anything, but what, exactly, _is_ the problem?”

“Nothing,” she practically growled, shoving her laptop back into her briefcase. “You know what, I’m going to leave. I’ll send you the script when I get back home so you can read it. I’ll let you make your own decision on this one.” She got up from the chair and started towards the stairs.

Dan jumped up and followed after her. “You’ve just arrived! And you said you had a lot to talk about!”

Darcy’s high heels clicked against the hardwood stairs as she descended them. “Well, I don’t have anything else to say, so I should get going.” She swung the door open. “Email or text me with your decision. Bye, Dan.”

Dan ran after her, out the door. He shouted her name a couple of times, but she didn’t turn around. She was already at the end of the short hallway towards the lift, but to her luck, she got on as soon as someone got off.

Unfortunately, the person that got off was the man who lived in the flat underneath Dan. _Quinton Xavier Harper_.

He was wearing a pressed suit. His dark hair was gelled back. It was an everyday, casual look for Quinton Harper. Most people would die to be neighbors with Dan Howell, but certainly not Quinton. Quinton was sure he ruled the world, and some famous actor and musician was the least of his concerns. Dan was the butt of most of his jokes, actually.

Quinton smirked at Dan. “Did you and your _girlfriend_ get into another fight?”

Dan rolled his eyes. “She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Oh, yeah, I guess she can’t be.” Quinton gave a stuck-up chuckle, his nose in the air, as he unlocked his apartment door. “She can’t be your girlfriend because you’re horribly single.” He then looked right at Dan and pursed his lips. “And gay.”

“Well not quite--” Dan began, but Quinton cocked his head. “Whatever,” Dan scoffed and then mumbled under his breath, “It’s not like anyone likes you at all, either.”

As Quinton pushed open his door, he gave a little wave and said “Toodle-loo,” his fake, sneering smile searing Dan. He walked inside and slammed the door behind him.

Dan turned around to his still-open door and grumbled to himself as he walked up the stairs to his flat. “Someday,” he said, “I’m going to beat that pretentious prick’s ass.”

 

~~~

 

After a couple of hours, Darcy finally forwarded Dan the email so he could read the script. He sat down on his couch, opened the PDF on his sleek, black laptop, and began to read.

After about an hour and a half of reading, he finished the script with a smile. During that period of time, Dan had both laughed out loud and bawled his eyes out. It was quite a beautiful piece, even just the script, and Dan knew one thing for certain.

He didn’t really care about Darcy’s doubts; he had to be in the show.

And they wanted him to play Dara, too! Dara, the most difficult character to play in the whole show. Dara, with his internal struggles and self-realization. Dara, the character with the most gorgeous ballads and the most fun songs to sing, too. He would be a much harder character to play than the smart-mouthed and sly, but rather one-dimensional Maxwell in _The Somewhat Serious Sycophants._ Still, Dan was up for the challenge. He wanted that challenge so, so badly, and he didn’t even have to audition!

He immediately texted Darcy.

 

 _I know you have your doubts_ , he wrote, _but I’m absolutely in love with the show and I really want to perform in it._

 

The three bouncing dots that indicated that she was texting a response came up quickly. However, they disappeared and reappeared several times, probably meaning that Darcy was writing something and then deleting it all and starting over.

Her final response was quite simple.

 

_Okay. I told you that this decision is yours. I’ll email him back._

 

There wasn’t her usual smile emoji.


	4. Chapter 4

A couple of days passed without a single word to Dan. He was pretty much fine with this, though, writing some music and keeping up with fans on social media, rather than worrying about the show too much. He did, however, begin teaching himself some of the music. 

While Dan was playing Leah’s songs and singing them to himself, there were a long string of emails between Darcy, Alec, Harold, and Phil. It was decided that Alec was going to act as somewhat of a hybrid co-director and stage manager. Truth be told, they didn’t really know what Alec was going to do except for the fact that he wanted to be a part of  _ Starlight Sorcery _ ’s West End production. Phil and Harold were totally fine with it-- he was the playwright, after all-- and Leah was going to be the Musical Director and Conductor, so it was only appropriate that he had some job.

One email between the group of them surprised Darcy the most, though. Phil emailed her, directly, asking if he and Dan could meet and talk about the character of Dara. It wasn’t a regularity that directors would go and ask to meet with their actors individually, but she had never talked to Phil before and thought that maybe it was a normal thing for him to do. Still, the entirety of  _ Starlight Sorcery _ left a bad taste in her mouth. She didn’t really want to talk to Dan about it more, but it was her job, after all, and she had to. She called him one afternoon, but based on how absolutely enthusiastic Dan was about the show already, she could’ve guessed his answer.

Dan picked up his cell phone and clicked the green ‘accept’ button. “Hey Darcy, what’s up?”

She took a deep breath. “I’m just going to get this over with this and say exactly why I called you right away.”

Dan stopped breathing for a second and his stomach dropped. What horrible news was she going to tell him?

“Phil, the director, wants to meet with you before rehearsals begin.”

He still wasn’t entirely convinced that that information was it. “And…?

“And what? That’s it.”

“That’s it?” Dan sighed, smiling to himself. “Oh, I thought you were going to tell me what I was fired already or something. Wouldn’t doubt it, honestly.”

“What?” Her voice got soft. “Dan, no.”

“I’m not a puppy. Don’t go ‘Dan, no’-ing me.”

“Anyway,” she cleared her throat. “You want to meet with him, don’t you?”

“Well, yeah! Why wouldn’t I? Invite him over!” Dan said.

“Invite him over? To your flat?” Darcy sighed. “That’s not very professional. You’re going to be working with this guy for a while and you don’t want to send the wrong sort of message, do you?”

Dan paused for a moment, then chuckled. “You come over to my flat to talk about work all of the time. How is this any different?”

Darcy was truly defeated. This play was clearly all Dan wanted to do at the moment and he wanted it to be in every aspect of his life, even in his own home. “Touché,” she said, smiling almost against her will. “I’ll tell Phil your address. Are you at home all this week? No rendezvous I don’t know about?”

“Darce, I never have any rendezvous you don’t know about. I’m lonely and never do anything.” Dan said these words lightheartedly, but there was truth to his words. He hadn’t gone on a real date in months, and he hardly considered the last ‘date’ a date. It was hard to find someone genuinely interested in him and not just his money and handsome face. “Tell him he can come over whenever he likes, just to let me know so I can expect it.”

“Oh, yes, of course.” Darcy clicked the speaker button on her phone, put it on the table beside her, and opened her laptop. “I’ll email him right now, then get back to you with his response.”

Dan smiled and said, “Thanks a ton, Darcy. Talk to you soon.”

“Yeah, TTYL, Dan.”

Dan hung up the phone as Darcy sighed to herself. She began to write yet another email to Phil, one of seemingly hundreds that she’d written the past couple of days. 

 

~~~

 

Phil drummed his fingertips on the taxi seat next to him. He was about to meet Dan Howell.  _ The _ Dan Howell. He closed his eyes and tried to take a few deep breaths but it really was no use. Phil was horribly nervous and there wasn’t anything he could do about it. Besides, if he wanted to be a good director, he’d have to put his long-time crush on Dan to the side. There was no way anything would happen between them, anyway, so there was no use for Phil to try, right? Things were going to stay strictly professional.

He soon arrived at Dan’s flat complex and after paying the fare, grabbed his backpack and stepped out of the car. He definitely wasn’t going to be late, no matter how nervous he was.

Phil pushed open the revolving door and stepped into the lobby of Dan’s flat complex. He walked to the buzzer keypad and looked for Dan’s apartment number, #1019. He pressed the buzzer button and waited.

 

~~~

 

Almost as soon as the buzzer in his flat went off, Dan pressed the button to let Phil into the main lobby downstairs. The next couple of minutes were some of the slowest in Dan’s whole life.  _ Phil Lester. Phil Lester. _ That name swirled around in Dan’s brain. Where on Earth had he heard it before?

After about three minutes, there was finally a knock on the door. Dan ran down the stairs to it as fast as he could without tripping and falling flat on his face. He took a deep breath and opened the door with a smile.

“Hi,” the man said, holding out his hand for a handshake. “I’m Phil Lester. It’s nice to meet you.”

Dan returned the handshake. There was something so incredibly familiar about this guy, but he couldn’t put his finger on what it was. His bluish-greenish-yellowish eyes, his quiffed-up black hair… maybe Dan knew him well in another universe, or something.

“Come in,” Dan said, closing the door behind Phil. “The first floor is just up these stairs.”

They walked up the staircase, Phil following Dan.

Phil had to hide his excitement as he stepped onto the first floor of Dan’s flat. The place was huge and had quite a solid aesthetic-- almost everything was white, black, or at least shiny. The wood was painted a glossy black, the tables were all glass, and the chairs in the dining room were upholstered with white leather. As far as Phil could see, Dan’s whole flat was decorated in a similar fashion. Everything looked expensive and important and Dan, himself, couldn’t deny that his tastes were more on the eccentric side of things.

After Dan offered Phil something to drink and Phil awkwardly dismissed him, they sat down in Dan’s dining room. Phil still wasn’t quite comfortable and he thought that maybe he never would be around Dan. It wasn’t a bad uncomfortable, just the sort of uncomfortable that was always present whenever Phil had a crush. Also, his generally awkward social skills certainly didn’t help anything.

“So, Phil,” Dan began once they were settled. Phil’s stomach flipped when Dan said his name-- and so casually, too. A couple of weeks ago, he never could have even imagined that one day he’d be sitting in Dan Howell’s dining room, talking to him. “What did you want to talk to me about?”

“Well, uh…” Phil’s mouth seemed sort of locked up-- like he couldn’t say anything at all. He had to constantly remind himself that Dan was just another person, just another human being like him. “The, uh…”

Dan looked softly at Phil and almost whispered, “The what?”

Phil sat up straight in his chair and cleared his throat. “The show. Yes, the show.  _ Starlight Sorcery _ .”

Dan giggled quietly. “Well, of course,” he said, “What about it?”

“Well,” Phil said, slowly becoming less nervous, “Do you like it?”

The smile on Dan’s face grew bigger. “I love it! I’m very excited to be playing Dara. What a well-written character, honestly.”

“Yes! That’s another thing I wanted to bring up.” Phil fully smiled and Dan nodded. “Dara. I want to talk about Dara.”

“Well, what about him?” Dan asked.

“Do you have any special ideas about him? Any questions? I’ll try to answer them.” Phil then chuckled and added, “I  _ am _ the director, after all.”

“Of course,” Dan said. He then said, “Mr. Director, sir,” with a cheeky sort of smirk. Even if he couldn’t remember where he had seen Phil’s face before, Dan admitted to himself that Phil was kind of hot. Maybe not in the traditional sense, but in a unique way. He told himself that Phil was just his director, though that fact wasn’t going to stop him from having a little bit of fun, was it? Dan then continued, “You know in the first song, Dara sings, ‘I’m just a normal lad, My life’s not bad, I should be pretty glad that I’m not sad. But still I yearn for something more than weekly pay from a grocery store’?”

Phil could listen to Dan recite Alec and Leah’s lyrics all day. He responded with a soft, “Yeah?”

“Well,” Dan said, “Dara works as a grocery store clerk before he discovers his star powers. But, like, what else does he do? What does he watch on Netflix? What someone watches can tell a lot about a person.”

Phil laughed. “Well, personally, I see Dara as more of a YouTube-watching kind of guy.”

Dan blanched as memories seemed to flood his brain. “Holy shit!” Dan jumped up. “That’s where I’ve seen you! I watched you on YouTube like ten years ago!”

Phil’s smile changed into an expression of shock. He whispered a quiet, “Oh no…”

“No! No!” Dan’s smile was giant and his eyes and dimples crinkled with it. “I loved your films! A while ago I tried to find them all again, but I guess you deleted them?” Dan conveniently ignored the fact that his internal 17-year-old self was telling him to crawl onto Phil’s lap and kiss him, even at this moment. No wonder he looked so familiar, he was one of Dan’s many teenage crushes. Dan sat back down in his chair and scooched it closer to Phil.

Phil was blushing bright red. He hadn’t meant for anyone more than his friends to see those films, especially not Dan! “Yeah, well, you see…” he decided that it was better not to tell a lie. “You’re right. I deleted them.”

“But you shouldn’t have!” Dan said. “Sure, maybe you’re a little embarrassed by them now, but they led you to where you are today. See, I knew I should’ve tweeted at you or somehow got in touch all those years ago.” After a short pause, he added, “Maybe we could’ve been friends or something.”

Somewhat wistfully, Phil responded, “Yeah, maybe.” Phil’s head was spinning. He couldn’t believe all of this was happening and in such a short amount of time. It was like a giant puzzle coming together to form some sort of picture… or maybe, some higher power like fate wanted all of this to happen. Dan and Phil were supposed to meet and they were supposed to be working together to make  _ Starlight Sorcery _ great. This thought filled Phil with a sort of great and powerful sudden confidence. Maybe this show would be the start of a Phil Lester renaissance and maybe, just maybe, Phil’s feelings weren’t exactly off the table.

 

~~~

  
Dan and Phil had talked for hours. Some of the conversations were about  _ Starlight Sorcery _ , but most of them friendly and full of laughter. They clicked immediately and were able to bounce off of each other so well; it was quite a special connection. They even swapped numbers at the end of the meeting, partially for business purposes, but mostly because they couldn’t get enough of each other. They wanted to talk more and were both terribly excited that rehearsals for the musical were planned to start the next Monday. As Dan opened the door at the bottom of the stairs and Phil walked out with a wave and a smile, they both thought only one thing:  _ Only three days until I get to see your face again. _


	5. Chapter 5

After three long days, it was finally time for the first rehearsal. The cast, along with Phil and Alec, sat in the theater’s basement rehearsal room around a table. The last person they were waiting for was Dan.

Dan and Phil were texting back and forth all weekend and just as Phil was going to send a ‘Where are you?’ text to him, Dan came running into the room, holding his phone in the air.

“I'm not late!” He exclaimed with a half-out-of-breath smile. “It’s 8:59 and rehearsal begins at 9.”

Dan and Phil made eye contact and Phil gestured to the open seat beside him. Dan made his way around the table and Phil handed a script to him. Phil said a small “Hi, Dan,” to him as he took the script and settled down in his seat. He took a deep breath in and then responded to Phil with a soft smile, a two-fingered wave, and a gentle “Hey.”

On the other side of Dan sat a young man with an afro of curly black hair and coffee-colored skin. He tapped Dan on the shoulder and offered a handshake. “What’s up?” He said. “I’m Caleb Tippen. I’m playing Soleil.”

They shook hands as Dan introduced himself. Caleb grinned and said, “I know, man. Who hasn’t heard of you?”

Dan blushed. Sometimes he almost forgot that people knew who he was. “Right, right.” He then gestured to the young woman with long white-blonde hair sitting on the other side of Caleb. “And I guess that’s our Lune?”

She turned around and smiled like a model. “Yup. I’m Mary Vanstone. Nice to meet you, Dan.” She batted her eyelashes and then added, “I love your music.”

Dan giggled softly and said, “Thank you.”

Phil clapped his hands together and said a loud, “Alright, everyone. We better start the first rehearsal.”

Caleb started clapping, followed by Alec. Eventually, the whole room erupted into cheers. Phil smiled as he once again quieted everyone. “Today, we’re just going to read through the script a couple of times. Tomorrow and the rest of the week, you will work with Leah to learn all of your music. Everyone ready to begin?” There were nods and murmurs throughout the room. “Oh, and we’ll just read the lyrics. I know that lots of you know the songs well, but we _do_ have some new faces in this cast.” He looked over at Dan with what Alec might jokingly call a ‘Love Eyes Lester’ look. Phil continued, “Act One, Scene One. Dan, you may begin when you are ready.”

Dan looked up at him and he and Phil made eye contact this time. They smiled at each other. Dan pushed back his curly chocolate fringe from out of his eyes and began to read.

 

~~~

 

The first rehearsal was a success. Phil was elated that everyone in the cast already had quite a good grasp on their character, even those actors like Dan that weren’t in the original Norwich cast. And damn, Dan was amazing. Phil knew that he was going to be fantastic, but the first read-through really confirmed this. He couldn’t wait for the first blocking rehearsal so that he could give his input. Blocking was due to start the next week, after the cast knew their music and lines well. Then, every day, it was blocking and runs in the morning and choreography and music in the afternoon until the show was ready to run in full over and over every day. It was a somewhat repetitive process, but Phil knew that rehearsals for any play or musical are always like that. The repetition is what makes the show presentable and entertaining.

After a dinner of leftovers and a shower, Phil climbed into bed with a smile on his face. Tomorrow he’d get to hear everyone sing, but of course, he had his mind on one person in particular. He didn’t really want to admit it-- he felt almost too old to think of him in such a way-- but he dreamt of Dan often and that night was definitely no exception. He didn’t know how much longer dreams would sustain him, though; someday soon, he wanted to be able to love Dan while they were both conscious.

 

~~~

 

It was now Tuesday, just mere weeks from that fateful day that Phil received that first email from Alec. Leah was playing piano with one hand and conducting with the other. Her loose mousy-brown curls bounced as she nodded her head-- sometimes to the beat, sometimes to signal somebody’s entrance, and sometimes to look up at Alec and Phil in the back of the room to seek their approval and smile. Phil knew that look really wasn’t for him, though, it was for Alec. Even though he had just met Leah, he could tell that she and Alec were made for each other. Just the look in their eyes when they made eye contact across the room was enough to let Phil know that they were madly in love.

“Hey, mate.” Alec elbowed Phil. “What are you staring at so intensely?”

Phil hadn’t even realized that he was ogling Dan. He had acknowledged Leah and then his gaze shifted; Alec noticed.

Phil straightened up in his chair and turned to look at Alec. “Nothing. I’m not staring at anyone.”

Alec chuckled. “Any _one_?”

“Well, shit, you caught me, I guess,” Phil grumbled.

“So,” Alec said, “Who is it you’re looking at? You’ve got a crush or something, mate?” He then laughed a little. “As long as it’s not Leah, we’re all good.”

“It’s not Leah, no, but we’re still not all good, Alec.” Phil looked down at his feet in front of him on the floor.

“Well, why not?” He asked.

“ _Why not_?” Phil stood up, took Alec by the wrist, and lead him into the hallway away from rehearsal. “You promise you’re not going to tell anyone?”

“What are we, in primary school? Phil, this isn’t the end of the world.”

“Well, yeah, it… I’m not going to say it’s the end of the world, but it’s problematic, to say the least.” Phil faced the wall and leaned against it, almost unable to look at Alec’s face.

“Who is it, mate?” Alec half-hissed.

Phil took a deep breath and sighed. “Dan. It’s Dan.”

Alec began to laugh. “That’s why you wanted him as Dara so damn badly! He’s your celebrity crush.” He then added. “Well, behind Sarah Michelle Gellar, of course.”

Phil turned to face Alec. “No, not behind Sarah Michelle Gellar.”

Alec’s eyes widened. “Oh, really? Then this must be pretty serious.”

“Alec, look, I--” Alec nodded, wanting to hear more of what Phil was saying. “I met with Dan, you know that. Well, we met in his flat.” Alec’s eyebrows perked up, surprised. “Yeah, I know. It was insane. But the problem was… I realized that he’s real. He isn’t just Maxwell or Dara. He isn’t just famous musician Dan Howell. He’s not just on stages and billboards. He’s really real and I need him, Alec.”

“What?” Alec snorted, followed by a chortle. “You want to screw him? Feel those brunette curls in your hands and those ruby-red lips between your teeth?”

Phil blushed heavily and uncomfortably laughed. “Shut up,” he said through school-girl-worthy giggles. He caught his breath. “No, no, being in that flat made me realize that I want to unlock its door and see him sitting by his white piano playing music. I want to hear him sing with his angelic voice, even if he ever doubts that what he’s writing is worth listening to. I want to call him nicknames and share inside jokes and…”

“And?” Alec was smiling wide.

“And I want to get down on one knee and ask him to marry me. And every day of my life I want to wake up next to him.” Phil chuckled to himself and shook his head, “Oh my God, I’m in love with him.”

Alec laughed loudly and Phil tried to hush him, but it didn’t work very well. “Mate, you’re right. You’re in deep trouble.” He punched Phil’s arm playfully. “But you’ll get over it. He’s just another crush, right? You’ll find someone to actually marry and love sometime soon.”

Phil’s face fell.

Alec started towards the door saying, “We better get back in there to, you know, oversee everything.”

“Yeah, right, of course.” Phil nodded, still down and out.

As they entered the room, Alec got close to Phil’s ear and whispered, “And you’ll get to see your dreamboy sing some more, too. There’s no harm fantasizing, of course.”

 

~~~

 

Darcy’s heels clicked against the tile floors as she walked past a hallway of dressing rooms and offices. It was Thursday afternoon, 4:23 PM, and Dan got out of work at 4:30. She didn’t know where she was going. She was following the voices of a chorus and Dan, just hoping to find the rehearsal room. Hoping, maybe just a little, to find _him_ , too. Though, what was she going to do about finding him, anyway? It’s not like he’d take her back. He had a fiance. He was going to get _married_. And what was she? Single and whenever she did go on a date, she still couldn’t stop thinking about him. He broke up with her two years ago and they were only together for one. Still, she was so very, very in love with him for that year and wasn’t over him yet. She didn’t know why she wanted to see him, why she wanted her heart broken again, but she did, so her plan was to “pick up Dan” today. She found the rehearsal room’s open door and peeked inside.

 

~~~

 

Leah smiled and said, “Alright guys. Let’s sing through the finale one more time and then I’ll let you go. Dan, you ready?”

He grinned, dimples pressed in, and nodded. “All set.”

She began to play the opening notes and Dan sang at his entrance, followed by Caleb and Mary and then the chorus. Phil stopped gathering his things to look at Dan as he sang his last long note. It was high and belted and beautiful and God, he’d get to hear Dan sing that note over and over the next couple of months. Phil didn’t think he’d ever get sick of hearing Dan like that.

They finished the song and Leah dismissed the cast with “See you tomorrow! We’ll be running through everything several times off-book!”

Dan grabbed his bag and put away his script, then he turned around to see Phil gesturing to him to come over.

He walked to Phil just as Darcy entered the room, clicking heels and pencil in red-orange hair. Alec stopped in his tracks, looked at her, nodded, and headed towards Leah. However, Darcy’s gaze lingered longer before she joined Dan and Phil.

“Hey, Darce,” Dan said. “Why are you here?”

She paused before saying, “Just checking in.” She then looked at Phil up and down and said, “Sorry, but I really must talk to Dan.” Dan made no effort to move away from Phil, though, so she added “Alone” for good measure.

Phil’s face dropped a little, but he said, “That’s alright. Rehearsal is over, after all. You may go.”

Darcy turned around and started towards the door. Dan smiled and said, “I guess I’ve got to get going, but I’ll talk to you later.”

Phil perked up and bounced on the balls of his feet. He waved, the last thing Dan saw before he turned around to go out the door.

Darcy was already down the hallway and Dan had to run after her to catch up. “What is so important that you needed to pick me up from rehearsal for?” He asked.

They headed up a staircase. “I need to talk to you about how the show is going, of course.”

Dan pushed opened the door at the top of the staircase and held it for Darcy. They walked out a side exit and to the pavement. “It’s fine, why wouldn’t it be?” Dan asked; he was still awfully confused by Darcy’s actions. He wasn’t a child and didn’t need to be picked up.

“Well, I don’t know,” she said. “Maybe Phil or… or Alec was bothering you. They’re not too much, are they?” Darcy signaled for a taxi.

"No, I told you!” Dan said. A taxi pulled over and Darcy climbed inside, followed by Dan.

Darcy gave the driver Dan’s address and they pulled away from the theater.

“I already told you that Phil is fantastic. I could tell that by that time he came over and he’s been good in rehearsals, too. He’s a real sweetheart.” He then added, “Though Leah has been in charge most of this week, anyway.” Dan leaned against the door and looked out the window.

“Right, Leah. Whatever.” Darcy huffed. “How about Alec? What do you think about him?”

“Alec? He’s fine, I guess. I honestly haven’t talked to him much.” He then looked over at Darcy. “Speaking of which, what was with all that staring in the rehearsal room, Darce? You looked kind of uncomfortable and it sure seemed like you wanted to yeet yourself right out of there.” He chuckled a little, but then straightened back up. “Are you alright?”

Darcy looked at Dan, but not quite in his eyes. She sighed and fixed her gaze forward. “Dan, it doesn’t matter what I feel. I’m your manager.”

“Well,” Dan moved himself closer to her, “You might be my manager, but you’re my friend, too. I don’t want to worry about you.”

“You pay me. We are not friends.”

There was silence. “Darce, I--” He began.

“Darcy. My name is Darcy.”

“Sorry,” he said, moving away. He retreated and surely didn’t want to make her more upset. Darcy plain hadn’t been herself lately, but she didn’t want to talk about it and Dan felt like he couldn’t help her. Still, Darcy was a friend to Dan and he was worried about her.

The taxi pulled over and Dan paid the driver. He crawled out of the car with his bag and said, “Talk to you later” in attempt to lighten the mood. The taxi zoomed away, Darcy leaning against the window, her glasses too far down on her pointed nose to be of any use.

Dan walked through the revolving front door and slid his keycard to open the second door to the flats. He walked to the lift and got on, riding to his floor.

Unfortunately, as he walked down the hallway to his door, Quinton Xavier Harper came out of his flat.

He walked towards Dan and sneered. “Hello, Daniel. Good afternoon, although I seriously doubt you ever have a good afternoon.”

Dan swiped his keycard to open the flat’s door. “Shut up,” he said, “I’ve had a bad last twenty minutes, Quinton.”

“Oh,” he hissed, “Honestly, I thought your life was just a constant succession of bad twenty minutes, over and over and over again.”

Dan walked into his flat and slammed the door behind him. He was sick of Quinton’s taunting. Sick of Darcy not acting like herself. Sick of his life being ups and downs but mostly downs. He walked up the stairs and into his living room.

Dan flopped onto the couch, but that’s when he felt a buzz in his pocket.

He didn’t really want to look. He was done with the universe at this moment and no buzz from his phone was worth his time, was it? Still, he thought that he better check, just in case. When he saw the name by the text, however, he was glad he did. It was from Phil.

 

_Hey, I was wondering if you’d like to get coffee on Saturday? Maybe around 10 or 11? I know that neither of us love waking up early. :)_

 

Dan smiled. Maybe there were enough ups to counterbalance the downs.


	6. Chapter 6

Phil didn’t quite know why he sent that text.

Well, yes, maybe he kind of did, actually.

He had wanted to talk to Dan after rehearsal and wanted to ask him then, but for whatever reason Darcy frantically clicked her heels right into that conversation. It was good that Darcy couldn’t really interrupt his texts to Dan; well, at least she couldn’t physically walk into the conversation and pull him away. The only one sliding into any DMs that night would be Phil.

The text was friendly enough. It was just asking to get some coffee. That could be friendly, right? Two bros, sitting in a coffee shop. Phil laughed at that thought. _Five feet apart ‘cause they’re not gay._

It wasn’t a date-- no, definitely not-- no matter how much Phil wanted it to be.

That was kind of another reason Phil had wanted to ask Dan. He had been thinking about Alec’s words a lot. _“You’ll find someone to actually marry and love sometime soon.”_ He sent the text almost out of spite. Maybe this friendly coffee shop get-together would spark something real between them. And maybe just a little part of Phil wanted to march into rehearsal one day and pull Dan into a deep kiss right in front of Alec’s face. It would be an ‘I told you so,’ a friendly poke to his shoulder.

Still, Phil couldn’t quite believe that he’d _really_ sent that text to Dan. Honestly, he couldn’t quite believe that they were becoming friends at all. And then, he couldn’t quite believe the text back from Dan.

 

_Of course! I’d love to. The only issue with a coffee shop is if there’s anyone there that knows who I am._

 

Knew who he was? Phil couldn’t imagine a life not knowing who Dan Howell was.

 

 _What_ , he texted, _Like some fans? I wouldn’t find that._ After a pause, he added, _As long as I’m with you._

 

~~~

 

Dan blushed at that text. _As long as I’m with you._ He read that over and over to himself, smiling. Dan honestly couldn’t believe that Phil Lester, the guy Dan had dreamed about for quite a few of his teenage years, wanted to go on a date with him. Phil was definitely flirting, now, and Dan was ecstatic about it. He was the most genuinely sweet and humble guy that had ever been interested in him. It would be a regret of a lifetime if he declined Phil’s date.

He got tingles at the sudden realization that this was what Phil wanted to talk about after rehearsal. It really was too bad that Darcy dragged him away; he’d find a nervously fumbling Phil awfully adorable.

 

 _It’s mostly not the fans that I mind,_ Dan continued, _It’s the paparazzi. Sure, the fans will make speculations and theories and fanfiction, but the paps are such dicks, honestly._

 

     Phil sent a surprised emoji. _Paparazzi?_

 

Oh, shit. Dan didn’t want to pretend that people didn’t occasionally follow him around with cameras, but he feared that this was not the way to do so.

 

_Well, yeah. Sometimes._

 

He sent it and then almost immediately regretted it, although he did want to warn Phil. The text Dan received back surprised him, though.

 

_I’ll bring my sword and protect you from the paparazzi dragon, then._

 

Dan gigged at that, although the thought of Phil being his knight in shining armor was an attractive one. Dan smiled, a smile meant for Phil, as he thought of a witty response. The first thing that came to mind, but Dan deemed himself not brave enough to actually send was _I’d willingly spend my happily ever after with you._

 

~~~

 

Friday’s rehearsal was full of glances at each other whenever possible and stares across the room whenever neither of them were doing anything in particular. Although Phil normally ate lunch with Alec, Leah, and whoever else from the production team there that day, and Dan ate with other cast members, Dan insisted that they eat lunch together. They ended up sitting with Caleb and Mary as Alec gave them sideways glares and shakes of his head.

4:30 hit and passed, this time with no sign of Darcy. Dan talked to Phil until Alec dragged him away, saying that Dan should head home and rest. As Dan left the room with a smirk, he said “See you tomorrow,” to Phil. Alec rolled his eyes playfully and then smiled at Phil. He was figuring out what was going on between them, although he still wasn’t convinced that it could really work out.

 

~~~

 

Phil clicked the home button on his phone for what seemed like the millionth time, making the screen flash up for a couple of seconds. It was already past 10:30 and he and Dan were supposed to meet at 10. Two _How much longer?_ texts were sent to Dan, neither of them replied to or even read. With a sad sigh, he began to think that Dan would never show up.

Just as Phil was about to give up, order himself some sugary coffee, and leave, the bell that softly jingled whenever the door opened rang. It was him, dressed in a black and white striped jumper and ripped black jeans, like some gorgeous fallen angel or something.

He frantically looked around for a moment before spotting Phil. Dan ran over to the table where he was sitting and said, “Oh my God, I’m so sorry. Look, I set myself four alarms-- I’m not joking-- then slept through them all. Finally, of all things, a siren wailing outside woke me up. I had literally seven minutes to get here and yeah, I sort of knew that that was not happening, but I wanted to try, alright? And then as I was putting on my jeans, they just totally ripped. This wasn’t a good rip; not an edgy, distressed one. Oh, no, not on my knees or my thighs. It was that seam right in the crack of your ass.”

Phil couldn’t help but chuckle at that and Dan couldn’t help but laugh a little, too.

“And then-- after I got the whole ass-seam situation out of the way and put on some new trousers-- as I was running down my stairs in attempt to make up for lost time, I fell flat on my fucking face. And shit, let me tell you, that hurt.

“Oh no, I’m sorry,” Phil said. “Sit down,” he gestured to the chair across him.

Dan sat down with a huff. “And no, that not even all of it!”

“Oh?” Phil questioned.

“Nope. First, it took me a full fricking five minutes to get a cab because all of them had passengers or refused to pull over for me for whatever reason. And then, once I was in said cab that finally pulled over, I realized I forgot my fucking wallet on my kitchen counter. Well, of course, the real pissed-off driver made me get out of the car when I said this to him, even though I offered to give him extra if he drove me back to get it. Well then, I had to walk like six blocks back to my flat-- even though Darcy hates it when I walk anywhere alone-- get my wallet, and call another fricking cab. So, like, Jesus, Phil, I’m sorry I’m late, but apparently the universe was just against me this morning.”

Phil smiled and said, “It’s okay. I just wished you would’ve texted me back to let me know you were on your way.”

Dan put a hand on his forehead and pushed his hair back. “Shit, I didn’t even know you texted me. I’m sorry.”

“Seriously, don’t worry about it. I’m just glad you’re here, now.”

“Me too,” Dan responded with a grin. “Now, how about some drinks? I think I might get a croissant or something, too.” He stood up and Phil did the same.

The two men walked over to the counter and joined the line, Phil in front of Dan. Dan got close to Phil and asked, “What do you reckon I should get?”

Phil smiled and said, “Well, I tend to like my coffee sweet, so I’m feeling a caramel cappuccino, today. But of course, I don’t really know how you like your’s.” He debated about jokingly quoting one of his lyrics-- ‘My coffee’s always black, like the darkness of my soul’-- but he decided against it. He could tell that Dan’s soul wasn’t really dark at all.

Dan smiled at him and said, “Of course you do. I wouldn’t expect anything less sweet for you.” He paused for a moment, debating further about the coffee, but then said, “I think I’ll try that out. Oh, and that pistachio muffin is calling my name. It’s like a beacon of light at the end of this God-forsaken morning’s dark tunnel.”

Phil chuckled. It seemed like he was doing that a lot around Dan; although, Dan was pretty hilarious and deserved all the laughter in the world. “Well,” he said, “Let’s hope the rest of this morning isn’t God-forsaken.”

“Right, although I seriously doubt it will be.” There was a twinkle in Dan’s eye.

They stepped up to the counter. The girl on the other side looked less than enthusiastic. "What can I get you?” She asked, her voice monotone.

“Two caramel cappuccinos and a pistachio muffin, please,” Phil ordered.

Dan gasped a little and took a step next to Phil, saying “I can pay for it, you know. I could’ve ordered my things.”

Phil said, “Don’t worry about it, I’ve got it covered,” and handed the girl the money.

The barista’s expression suddenly lit up, “Oh my God! You’re Dan Howell!”

Dan blushed and smiled. “You like my music?” He asked.

“Yeah! I’m such a fan. I got to see _The Somewhat Serious Sycophants_ and everything!” She exclaimed.

“Well,” he said, “I’m actually rehearsing another show right now. And this guy, here,” he pulled Phil closer to him, “Is directing it. It’s called _Starlight Sorcery_.”

“That’s so cool! I hope to see it.” She pulled her phone out of her pocket. “You mind if we get a selfie?”

“Yeah, sure! Although we’re kind of holding up the line,” Dan said. A businessman behind him cleared his throat.

“Oh, yeah, sorry about that.” She put the espresso machine on and it poured coffee out. She began to stir the other ingredients into the mixture as the machine filled their decent-sized cups.

“So, what’s your name?” Dan asked, trying to make small talk with her while she made the coffees.

She giggled and said, “Cassie.”

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Cassie, and I’m glad that you enjoy my work.”

“Yeah, of course!” She then looked at Phil and questioned, “What’s your name?”

Phil had never gotten asked that in this sort of context, before. He had no idea how Dan was being so nonchalant and kind about the whole interaction. “I’m Phil Lester,” he said with an awkward smile.

“Oh, cool, cool.” She drizzled caramel syrup over the top of the cappuccinos’ foam. Cassie handed them to Dan and Phil and then made her way over to the pastry display to get the muffin. “Here you go,” she said, smiling wide. “Anything else you would like?”

Dan took the muffin and then immediately handed it to Phil. “You still up for that selfie?”

“Oh my God, yes, please,” she said, handing her phone to Dan. Phil moved away, but Cassie looked at him and said, “Phil, why don’t you get in, too?”

Before he could object, Dan grabbed his arm and pulled him over so that he was in the frame. The three smiled and Dan took several pictures.

“Thank you so much!” Cassie said, grinning ear to ear.

Dan nodded and responded, “And thank you for our coffee.”

Cassie waved as Dan and Phil walked back to the table they were previously sitting at. Phil placed the muffin in front of Dan’s seat.

“What a nice girl,” Dan said, smiling and sitting down.

“Yeah,” Phil said, “Although she gave off a bit of a Wednesday Addams vibe before she saw you.”

Dan laughed. “Well, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. The Addams Family has quite a strong aesthetic I can get behind.”

They both chuckled at that. When it died down, Dan asked, “So, Phil, was there any specific reason you wanted to meet today?”

Phil froze, but then looked back into Dan’s eyes and melted all over again. “I just… wanted to get to know you better. That’s all.”

“So, like, how so better?” Dan moved his chair closer to the table and thereby closer to Phil.

Phil lifted the cappuccino in front of him to his lips and took a sip. “Well, uh, let’s start with your music?”

Dan smiled. “My music? Sure.”

“How do you get inspired to write songs?”

Dan took a bite from his muffin. “Well, it tends to just be from things that have happened to me. ‘Piano Teacher From Hell’ is about a real devil-woman that was my first piano teacher. Thank God I wasn’t too traumatized, though. I probably would’ve ended up as a miserable lawyer or something if I didn’t pick piano back up.

“Yeah, I can’t really imagine you as a lawyer,” Phil said, shaking his head.

Dan chuckled, “Yeah, no way. It’s a damn good thing that my music career picked but because that was my backup plan.”

“Yeah, definitely.”

There was a pause in the conversation, but not an uncomfortable one. They were both just happy to be in each other’s presence. Phil took another sip and then continued the conversation with another question.

“Any new projects you’re working on? Well, of course besides _Starlight Sorcery_.”

Dan took another bite of his muffin and swallowed it, thinking. “Well, yeah actually. A new album. But one song in particular, really. I’ve worked on it so long but it just never feels… right.”

Phil cocked his head and smiled. “And what is it about? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Well, it…” Dan was starting to look uncomfortable.

It was somewhat of a dangerous move, but Phil placed his hand on Dan’s. “It’s okay,” he said, “You don’t have to tell me.”

“No, no, the thing is…” Dan seemed not to mind Phil’s hand. Maybe he liked it, even, because he hooked his fingers between Phil’s. “I want to tell you,” he continued, “But I’m afraid it’ll make you think less of me. I’m afraid that everyone will think less of me.”

“Dan,” Phil smiled gently and looked into his eyes, “I could never think less of you. You’re astonishing.”

Dan blushed. “Thanks, but it’s awfully hard to believe that when you’re a walking catastrophe.” He took a deep breath and said, “The song’s called ‘Daniel and Depression.’” Dan looked down, but didn’t take his hand from Phil’s. Instead, he rubbed his thumb in small circles, searching for a little bit of comfort.

“How could anyone think less of you if you released a song like that?” Phil asked. “It’d be incredibly brave of you to talk about mental health.”

A smile crept onto Dan’s lips. “You think?”

“Yes, I know,” Phil said. “And you’re already so brave for going through your whole life. I know it’s hard-- well, no, not quite even. I’ve never been truly depressed, myself.” He paused to recollect his words, then continued with, “I know it’s difficult, but you’ve already proved yourself so strong. Dan, you’re amazing.”

“No,” Dan said with a smile, “You’re amazing, Phil.” He didn’t want to cry and no, he wasn’t really. His eyes were just filling with tears. Happy, wonderful tears. “Thank you so much.”

Dan realized, in that moment, that he never wanted to stop holding Phil’s hand.


	7. Chapter 7

Unfortunately, Dan did have to stop holding Phil’s hand at some point. That point was after the muffin and coffees were all gone and Dan and Phil were just talking. It was long after Cassie’s shift was over and she had walked back to her flat. It was when Dan’s phone buzzed and he almost ignored it until he saw who it was: Darcy. Dan said a sincere, “Sorry” to Phil and picked up the phone. He barely said a small “Hi” before he heard Darcy’s voice on the line.

Her voice was sharp and mean, like daggers to Dan’s ears. “Dan,” she growled, “What on Earth are you doing?”

“What?” He asked, genuinely confused.

“Oh, you know what. Have you checked social media lately? It’s exploding; it’s blowing up. And it’s not a good blowing up. You’re going to destroy your entire brand. Do you  _ want _ to lose everything you’ve worked for, Dan?”

Lose everything? What was she talking about? “Darcy,” Dan said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about and I’m kind of busy right now.”

“Oh, you’re busy, are you?” Darcy was a kind of angry that Dan had never seen her be, before. Every word she spoke seemed to pierce his chest. “I expect you in your flat in thirty minutes. I’ll be over soon. I’m not letting you do this.”

And she hung up.

Dan took his phone away from his ear and looked at Phil.

“So?” He asked.

“I’m so sorry, Phil, but Darcy’s having a crisis for some reason. I really have to go.” He frowned.

“Oh, no,” Phil gasped. “You think she’s alright? Do you want me to come with you?”

Dan gave a quick smile and said, “Thanks for the offer, but I think this is something that just she and I have to figure out.” He stood up, sliding his phone into his pocket.

Phil stood up after him, saying, “Well, I wish you the best of luck with everything. See you soon.”

Smiling and thinking that a date as fantastic as this one should have a happy ending, Dan pulled Phil into a hug. Phil froze, his breath hitching in his throat. He wasn’t expecting a hug, especially from someone like Dan that made it known that he generally disliked touching people, but they  _ had _ been holding hands. And of course, Phil certainly didn’t mind getting a hug from Dan. However, as soon as Phil felt comfortable enough to wrap his own arms around Dan, he pulled away. “Thanks for everything, Phil,” he said.

Phil waved as Dan walked through the quaint coffee shop and out the door.

 

~~~

 

Dan was freaking out just a little in the back of the cab driving him home.

What did Darcy mean that social media was blowing up? He could open Twitter or Tumblr or any place else to look, but he was almost too scared. Dan hadn’t done anything of significance. Unless…

Unless the selfie with Cassie set something off. Still, he couldn’t believe that one picture could’ve caused such an uproar. It was just a friendly picture and he took pictures with fans all of the time.

Or, maybe, Dan’s worry about paparazzi came true. Maybe they had hidden when they took a picture of him that day. Maybe, he sighed uncomfortably at the thought, maybe they figured out that he and Phil were going on a date. 

After getting out of the cab, Dan practically ran to the lift and then up to his flat. It was good that he ran, too, because it seemed like Dan was there only two minutes before his buzzer went off and Darcy was on her way up.

After a couple more minutes, she knocked on his door. As Dan descended the stairs, he breathed in and out, trying to catch his breath that seemed like it couldn’t be caught. It seemed like this whole day would be the most stressful day he’d have in recent memory.

He mustered a smile and opened the door. “Hey, Darcy,” he said. She shoved herself inside and started up the stairs. “What’s the matter?” He asked, following her up.

She walked into his dining room-- their usual meeting area-- and dropped her briefcase onto the table. However, she didn’t sit down.

“You really haven’t been checking any social media, have you?” She questioned.

“No,” Dan responded. “I’ve been with Phil all day. We got some coffee and I ate a muffin. Then later, Phil ordered some cherry pastry, so we ended up having this sort of brunch thing.”

“Yes! I know you’ve been with Phil!” She stood on her tiptoes in attempt to stand on even ground with Dan, the tip of her heels an inch off the ground. “The whole damn universe knows you’ve been with Phil!” Darcy grabbed her phone out of the front pocket of her briefcase. She then clicked a few things on it and turned it so that Dan could see the screen. It was Twitter.

“What?” He asked.

“Don’t you see the second trending hashtag?  _ #Phan _ ! That’s the ship name of you and Phil! They’ve all got these theories that you were on a date. And they’ve got pictures for evidence!”

“Well,” Dan blushed, “Those theories aren’t so wild at all, really.”

“ _What?!_ You mean you and Phil aren’t strictly business?” Darcy growled.

Dan clicked on the  _ #Phan _ and a slew of posts appeared. One of the first was a picture taken inside the shop of Dan and Phil smiling at each other and holding hands. He turned the phone back to Darcy.

“So the theories are true?” Darcy was gritting her teeth together.

“Yeah, Phil and I went on a date.” He looked down at Darcy. She regularly wasn’t short and her bubbling anger just made her seem even bigger. “And it was the best damn date I’ve ever been on,” he added. If Darcy was so angry at Dan, Dan thought it was only fair that he could be mad at Darcy.

“You’re an idiot, Dan. An absolute idiot. You think you can just go around making a spectacle of yourself. You haven’t even officially come out, yet. Your listeners could drop, your career could be over. And all because you went on a silly little coffee shop date and didn’t even think to ask me first.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “First of all, someone would have to be pretty fucking homophobic to think I’m straight. Have they heard a third of my music?”

Darcy crossed her arms. “What sucks, Dan, is that that is the third that they never play on the radio.”

He exhaled sharply. “Fine, whatever. Second, you’re my manager. You’ve made that very clear the past couple of days. Still, that doesn’t mean you can control my personal life. You’re in my life for purely professional reasons, another point you’ve made recently. And third…”

Darcy interrupted him. “Phil was supposed to be in your life for purely professional reasons, too, you know.”

Dan ignored Darcy’s comment and continued. “And third… the third reason is that I’m falling pretty damn hard for that guy.” His voice was raising, both in volume and in pitch. “I… I’m falling in love with Phil.”

“And I thought I was going to marry Alec and we can both see how that turned out!” Darcy bellowed.

For a moment, there was silence.

However, Dan broke it. “Maybe,” he growled under his breath, “He would’ve married you instead of Leah if you weren’t such a bitch.”

Darcy grabbed the pencil out of her bun, her flame-colored hair falling down over her shoulders. She took the pencil between her two fists and snapped it in half. The two pieces fell to the floor.

They were both breathing heavy, staring at each other.

“Fine, Dan,” she almost whispered. “If you think I’m such a bitch, then I quit.”

“Fine, then!” Dan turned around, starting out the room. “Good riddance.”

Dan didn’t even see Darcy take her briefcase off of the table and stomp out of the room and down the stairs. Her high heels made more of a  _ clomp _ sound than any sort of click.

His thoughts swirled around, too many of them to keep track of a single one. His hands were in fists, his face was flushed, and tears pricked at his eyes for a very different reason than they did earlier that day. He felt like he was going to explode, absolutely burst, except he almost felt nothing at the same time.

How was it possible to feel both everything and absolute emptiness?

One thought, amongst many others, stuck out in particular: it seemed like Dan could never get anything right. From the absolute insanity that was before meeting Phil that morning, to dragging Phil into that picture with him and Cassie, to holding Phil’s hand in public, to getting mad at Darcy and calling her a bitch… every decision Dan had made that day seemed like one with too many consequences to count.

Without really realizing it, Dan had walked upstairs and into his bedroom. He flopped down onto his black-and-white-checkered bed and seemingly instantly, the world faded into a dreamless dark sleep.

 

~~~

 

When Dan woke up, it was dark out. He rolled over and looked at his alarm clock. 8:37 PM. He was about to go back to sleep, not even bothering to take his clothes off, but then his stomach growled. It was a struggle to force himself out of bed, but he’d only eaten a muffin that day and was awfully hungry. He rubbed his eyes and turned on the lights as he passed each light switch. At least there was enough light from outside so that he didn’t trip over every object on the floor and each piece of furniture.

He made his way down the stairs and into his kitchen. Dan wasn’t in the mood to cook much of anything, so he decided on putting a crumpet in the toaster and melting some butter into it. He made himself some tea and poured it into one of his favorite mugs, one he had received from a fan.

After everything was ready, Dan brought his crumpet and tea into his lounge and clicked on the large TV mounted on the wall over the currently dark, cold fireplace. 

A news station was on and considering he was still too out of it to really care, he didn’t bother changing the channel. He ate the crumpet and drank the tea and didn’t care. He didn’t care about the current political state or the kind deeds that people had done that day. The only way he could survive is if he forced himself not to care.

He did care, however, when a picture of him and Phil, sitting together in the shop holding hands-- similar to the one that he’d shown Darcy, earlier-- appeared on the screen. He gasped and almost dropped the mug on himself. He decided to actually pay attention to the screen instead of just using it as background noise to drown out his thoughts.

“Famous actor and musician Dan Howell was spotted by fans and paparazzi today in a local London coffee shop. He was with a man that has been identified as Philip Lester, a director. There are rumors that Howell will be performing in Lester’s new West End show, _Starlight Sorcery_ , but there has been no confirmation. It is unclear why they were in the coffee shop together, but some speculate that the two men are more than just friends or business partners.”

Dan couldn’t hear anything else. Dan couldn’t think of anything else. Why the hell had he gone out, publically? There was speculation now, and the whole word, the whole concept of “speculation” was horrible. He’d have to confirm or deny something soon and he didn’t have Darcy to run anything past, now! And the worst part was that he was destroying Phil’s whole career, too! What if Phil wasn’t out at all and this was a shock to everyone he knew?

Dan found himself breathing heavy once again. He stood up and took the empty plate and mug into the kitchen, trying to get his mind off of everything. He dropped them on the counter and began to pace back and forth, panicked. Nothing was going to be the same ever again!

He ended up falling to the floor and began to cry. He took his phone out of his pocket and without a second thought, clicked on the phone app.

The first time Dan had smiled in hours was when he heard the familiar, wonderful tone of an upbeat, “Moshi, moshi.”

Dan sniffled and then cleared his throat. “Phil,” he said, “I need you.”


	8. Chapter 8

Those four words set something off in Phil. Dan wanted him. Dan  _ needed _ him. Phil didn’t care about the multitude of texts he was getting from Alec, he didn’t care about the news channels, he didn’t care about all of the tweets he was being tagged in. All he cared about in that moment was Dan and Dan alone. “Don’t worry, Danny,” the pet name slipped out of his mouth by accident, but he was too worried to cringe at himself. “I’m coming over right now. Don’t do anything you’ll regret. I’ll stay on the line.”

“I’ve already--” Dan’s voice got soft, hardly there at all. “I’ve already done so much I regret.”

That phrase panged pain in Phil’s heart. It was partially for a stupid reason: Phil was worried that Dan would stop wanting to be his friend… or whatever. He was afraid that he was going to quit  _ Starlight Sorcery _ and Phil was never going to talk to him again. Worse, though, Phil was afraid that this would be the beginning of a long depressive episode and he wanted nothing more than Dan to be happy.

Phil made sure he had his wallet and he ran out the door, locking it behind him. “Dan, Dan,” he said, pushing the lift’s down button. “It’ll be okay.”

“I won’t even be able to think of things being okay until you get here.” Phil could hear that Dan was absolutely broken.

“Don’t worry,” Phil said. He stepped out into the spring night’s warm air. “I’ll be there soon. As soon as possible. Wait for me, Dan. Hold on for me.  _ Please _ .”

 

~~~

 

About fifteen minutes passed of Dan being silent one moment and practically bawling the next. Phil was still on the phone, repeating the same phrases over and over: “It will be okay” and “I’ll be there soon.” Phil was very tempted to say another very special three words, but decided against it.

Phil let Dan know as soon as he was in the lobby and was standing in front of the second set of doors, the locked ones. Dan sighed as he was forced to get up. He pressed his buzzer button and opened the doors downstairs. Dan sat down on the top stair as he waited for Phil to take the lift up. And then, there it was.

A knock. Phil’s knock.

Dan practically ran down the stairs to the door, although it felt like he had no energy two seconds previously. He was running off of adrenaline, now. Dan swung the door open to see Phil.

Truth be told, Phil looked like a bit of a mess, himself.  _ A hot mess, though _ , Dan thought.

Phil stepped inside and Dan closed the door behind him.

“Dan,” he said, “Your eyes. They’re red. How long have you--”

And then, Phil was silenced by another pair of lips on his. Cherry red lips. Lips that sang so many gorgeous melodies. Lips that weren’t his own, but felt like they were meant for him.

Dan’s lips.

Suddenly though, Dan pulled away. “Holy shit,” he said, looking more concerned than before. “I’m sorry. I didn’t ask or anything, oh my God. I’m a wreck. I’m sorry.” Dan began to cry again, sitting down on a step and putting his face in the palms of his hands. “I’m… sorry,” he choked through a sob.

“No!” Phil exclaimed, sitting next to Dan on the step. “Don’t-- don’t be sorry, Dan.” He let them sit without a word for a moment. “I know our lives are a mess right now, but that,” he smiled and Dan turned to look at him, “That kiss was perfect. You’re perfect.”

“No,” Dan sniffled, “I’m not. Did you see what sort of giant fucking mess I made today? Oh, and that’s not even all of it!”

“It’s not even your fault, Dan.” Phil scootched closer to Dan, their legs pressed against each other. Dan leaned against Phil and put his head on his shoulder. “It’s really not. And what else is the matter?” Phil asked, quietly.

“Darcy.” Dan took Phil’s hand in his. “We got into an argument and it got too heated and we both said some stupid things and then she quit.” Dan awkwardly laughed at himself a little, still believing the whole situation was hopeless. “I can’t be managed, apparently. I’m just too positively idiotic.”

“You know you’re not an idiot, right? You’re very bright. And your music, wow. It’s wonderful.”

“Really? Then why would Darcy call me that?” He then froze for a second and took his head off of Phil’s shoulder, looking the other direction. “And I… and I truly am an idiot. I called her a bitch.”

Phil sighed. “Dan, I…”

“What? What, Phil?” Dan was shaking his head. “I called one of the few people in this world I could rely on, one of the people I considered a best friend a bitch. I’m so fucking stupid. Jesus Christ, I am an idiot, Phil.” Dan unthreaded his fingers and turned his whole body away. “I’m sorry I called you over. Maybe you should just leave before I hurt you, too.”

“No,” Phil firmly said. “I won’t leave until you feel better, Dan.”

“What if I never feel better?” Dan turned back to look at Phil. “No matter what happens, even if you’re on the best date with the best guy you’ve ever met, things just get shitty all over again.”

“Wait a minute,” Phil felt his eyes widen, “You thought this morning was a date?”

Dan gasped, blanching. He squeaked, “It wasn’t?” Another flood of tears was dangerously close to bursting out.

“Well… it’s complicated.”

Dan didn’t look any more convinced. 

Phil sighed and smiled softly. “It’s complicated because I wanted it to be a date, yes, but Alec said I’d never have a chance with you and I didn’t know if you liked me at all or not or if you were just putting on some superstar philanthropist facade. Dan, this whole situation is the most surreal thing I’ve ever experienced. Maybe I’m a little okay that the whole world thinks we’re snogging.” They both giggled a little at that, even Dan. “And maybe I think this whole thing is going to be okay because for once things do seem to be improving instead of just staying stagnant, for me. And,” Phil reached out to put a hand on Dan’s ripped-jean-exposed knee, “Things are looking up because of you. I…” He paused again. He couldn’t believe what he was about to do. Phil Lester wasn’t a risk-taker in general, but, in that moment, this was a risk worth taking. “Dan, I love you.”

Dan’s lips slowly formed into a smile. He pulled Phil into a hug and this time, they both wrapped their arms around each other. Dan nuzzled himself into the crook of Phil’s neck and said a sincere, “I love you, too.”

As they parted, Phil made sure to look into Dan’s eyes. “And I know this might sound ridiculous, and I’m sorry, but I know if we both feel this way about each other then we’ll stick together and we’ll get through it."

“You’re right,” Dan said, wiping his eyes of any stray tears. “Darcy is a human. She’s wrong sometimes.”

“Exactly.”

He smiled. “I’m not an idiot if you say I’m not an idiot.”

Phil grinned, saying “You’re not.”

“And, because I’m not an idiot, I know that it shouldn’t matter what the world thinks of me, should it?” Phil was nodding his head, encouraging Dan to continue. “Who cares if the world thinks we’re dating? Because it’s the truth, now, isn’t it? And why shouldn’t they know the truth? Why shouldn’t I live my truth because some homophobic fuckwad says I shouldn’t? I don’t need the adoration of this entire universe. The people that like me are going to like me and the people that don’t just won’t. I don’t need Darcy!” He chuckled a little to himself. “Well, maybe I do sometimes, but we’ll figure the situation with her out sometime soon. You see, Phil, I just need one person.”

Phil cocked an eyebrow. “Who might that be?”

Dan crawled closer to Phil and smirked. “You.”

And then again, they kissed.

It was less forced this time. It was slower and sweeter and significantly longer. It was getting significantly more heated, as well. They couldn’t get enough of each other and just as Dan was going to move his focus more south…

Phil yawned. He actually yawned.

Dan pulled away and full-out guffawed. “Oh my God,” he said through chortles, “That was romantic. Sexy, Phil, real hot.” He playfully rolled his eyes.

Phil was laughing, too, his tongue poking out between his teeth. “I’m sorry, I’m tired.” He pressed his forehead against a still-giggling Dan.

“Well,” Dan said, smirking a little. “Would you like to stay the night?”

Phil blushed, pulling a few inches away from Dan. “Well, I-- you-- we--” he stammered.

“No, no,” Dan began laughing harder again. “I didn’t mean having sex. Although, I’m not saying I wouldn’t enjoy that sometime in the future.” Dan jokingly winked, but Phil was still blushing from the implication. “I mean just… sleeping together. Cuddling. Snuggling.”

Phil smiled. “You know, I’d really enjoy that.”

Dan stood and then reached down to hold Phil’s hand to help him up. “Well then, we better get ready for bed, my Sleeping Beauty.”

As they walked up the two flights of stairs to Dan’s room, Phil laughed a little and said, “Well, with my raven-black hair and ridiculously light skin, I personally feel like I’m partial to Snow White.”

 

~~~

 

It was three and a half hours after Dan had woken up from his nap and now he was back in bed again, except with the addition of another body against him. They were settled down and snuggling, spooning under Dan’s covers in the comfort of nothing but fairy lights. Close and intimate with hardly any clothing at all separating them, yet still innocent and wonderful. Phil kissed the back of Dan’s neck and Dan shuttered at the sensation.

“God fucking damnit, Phil, I really am in love with you,” Dan whispered, giggling lightly.

“And you don’t use that phrase lightly. You’ve got a whole song about that,” Phil sighed into Dan’s ear.

Dan kicked his ankle playfully against Phil’s shin, “Oh be quiet, you spork. You know me too well, already.”

Phil didn’t bother responding, partially because he really was very tired and couldn’t think of any sort of witty comeback, and partially because they were both content with each other in perfect, golden silence.

Dan did break that silence, however, with a half-asleep “Good night, Phil.”

Phil smiled sleepily against Dan’s skin. “Good night, Dan. We’ll always have tomorrow.”


	9. Chapter 9

When Phil woke from his blissful sleep, he was startled for a moment by a much different and much more monotone blobby, fuzzy room. Soon, though, as he looked down at the curly mass of brunette hair still slumbering on his bare chest, he remembered the events of the previous night. He and Dan were a thing, now. A couple. And people knew, although it was affecting Dan more than him, even though Phil was dating the man he’d crushed on for several years, now. And then, they had fallen asleep together, Dan snuggled against Phil. They had apparently moved positions during the night and instead of sleeping beside Phil (being the little spoon), Dan had decided that Phil was a much better pillow and was now laying half-on-top of him.

Phil attempted to grasp the glasses he had left on Dan’s nightstand-- thank God he had been wearing them when Dan called the night before; he wasn’t exactly planning on staying the night and having only contacts would have been a bit of a problem. Successfully, without waking Dan, Phil slid on his glasses and looked over at the alarm clock. It was 10:25, almost a full twenty-four hours after he and Dan were in the coffee shop. Phil smiled to himself and thought, _It’s crazy how much can happen in a day_.

Dan woke a couple of minutes later when Phil shifted his weight slightly. He turned his head upwards to look at Phil, golden-brown eyes blown wide, and whispered a soft and still-sort-of-groggy “Good morning.”

They lay there for a moment, enjoying the quiet of Dan’s room and the sun streaming in from the window’s half-closed blinds.

“You know,” Phil said, smiling down at Dan and breaking the silence, “I’m kind of hungry.”

Dan giggled, attempting to bury his nose in Phil’s chest. “Well, we can eat something, here. I wouldn’t suggest we go get something, especially not together, and definitely not yet.” He crawled closer to Phil’s face and placed a kiss on his jawline. “I’m not ready for anyone else. I want this moment, just you and me, forever.”

“Sounds good to me. I can wait,” Phil said as Dan nuzzled back into him. They stayed there, together, for another long while.

Eventually, though, Dan’s stomach growled and he decided that it was probably time to get up and try to sort out some part of yesterday. Dan kissed Phil again-- this time, on his cheek-- and said, “We better get up and be, you know, somewhat functional human beings.

Phil said a small, “Yeah,” as Dan got off of Phil and pulled the covers away. He shivered at the sudden loss of both the heat from Phil and the lack of soft sheets and black-and-white checkered duvet, but managed to make his way over to his closet.

Dan disappeared inside and Phil was practically astonished. “You’ve actually got a walk-in closet? In London?” He called, sitting up on the bed.

Dan poked his head out the door, blushing. “Well, uh,” he stammered, “I’ve got quite a few clothes. I do like to experiment with fashions and such. And this whole place is pretty big too, considering I’m only one person. My room’s the master bedroom.”

Phil chuckled at how flustered Dan seemed to be getting over this. “You don’t have to be ashamed to say you’ve got money, Dan.”

Dan disappeared into the closet again and returned with a pile of clothing in his arms. “I don’t…” He walked over to look at Phil more directly. “You don’t want me just for my money, do you? I don’t think you do but I’ve had to deal with that kind of people before, and--”

Phil stood up and cut him off. “No! No, Dan, I would never. Although,” he smirked at the thought, “You’ve got money, you’re pretty powerful-- at least within the music world and online-- and that’s awfully hot.”

Dan giggled at that. “Sure,” he said, “Whatever you say, CapitaLester. I think you really just want enough money to buy a ton of dogs and probably some weird crap, like a stress mushroom or something.” Dan stepped towards the door to the en-suite bathroom, but then stopped and turned around again. “You can wear anything of mine you want-- I wouldn’t want for you to have to wear something from yesterday, especially if you’re planning to stay for a little while longer-- and if you want to take a shower or whatever, there’s another bathroom in the hall. Shampoo and toiletries and whatever other shit you’ll need should be in the cabinet. I’m going to take a quick shower in here, myself, if that’s alright with you and you don’t need anything.”

Phil shook his head. “Go ahead, I’m sure I’ll be able to figure everything out.”

Dan waved as he disappeared into the bathroom and said, “See you soon, Philly.”

As the water turned on, Phil decided that he should probably take Dan up on his offer, especially because he had seemed like he wanted Phil to. He crawled out of the bed and walked over to the closet. Stepping inside, he was greeted by mostly black and white, but occasionally something with some amount of color on it. It definitely wasn’t Phil’s own closet-- he had found some… interesting pieces in that little room-- and even the small amount of color included wasn’t very bright. This decision was important, though, incredibly important. Although he wasn’t exactly on-par with Dan’s fashion sense, Dan was sharing something special with him, and that was enough to make Phil’s head spin with an indescribable sort of happiness.

Phil decided on something safe and that could potentially be his own-- a red graphic tee that Dan himself probably forgot existed. He took that, along with his black jeans that he had thrown on Dan’s floor the previous night, and made his way to the hall bathroom. The last thing he heard before exiting the room was a quiet melody from Dan, singing in the shower.

 

~~~

 

They were comfortable and clean. Dan had waited for Phil to finish before going downstairs for breakfast and now Phil was sitting on one of Dan’s kitchen barstools. Dan was shuffling through cabinets, trying to come up with something impressive and artsy to cook. However, his plans were changed when Phil’s eyes lit up and he exclaimed, “Is that Crunchy Nut?”

Dan chuckled. “Yeah, you like cereal?”

“Hit me up with that Nut, Laddy, I need to get some of it in my mouth hole.” Phil shook his head, cracking up at himself. Dan was laughing pretty hard, as well.

“Oh God, whatever,” he said through chuckles. He got out two bowls and spoons for them, along with a half-gallon of milk. Dan sat next to Phil on the other stool and poured himself a bowl. “You know,” he passed the box to Phil, “I don’t regularly share my cereal. Don’t let this become a habit.”

Phil smiled, pouring the cereal. “Oh, yeah, we’ll see about that.”

They sat there for a couple of minutes, conversing through various crunching. As Dan finished, he sighed and looked over at Phil with a somewhat serious look on his face.

“Do you want to publicly come out as a couple?”

Phil wasn’t quite expecting that question. He smiled softly, though, encouragingly, at Dan. “It’s going to affect you more than it affects me. You’re the famous one, after all. I’m just the guy that was seen with you in the coffee shop.”

“No, but--” Dan was frowning, again, the first time this morning. “I know Darcy would be against this.”

“She’s not your manager anymore.”

“Well, yeah, but…” he paused for a moment. “Speaking of Darcy, did you know that she and Alec were a thing? Explains all of her weirdness about the show, I guess.”

“Oh? Really?” Phil was somewhat surprised. “Alec was acting a little strange when emailing her, too, so I guess that makes sense. She looked kind of familiar the first time I saw her, though, so maybe I saw a picture of her and Alec on Instagram or something a while ago. This world is crazy, sometimes.”

“Exactly,” Dan pushed his curls back. “This world is crazy. It's insane. Everyone already thinks we’re a thing, so why not?” Dan got up from his seat and started pacing. “But then, I see the stigma around gay couples sometimes and sure, things are getting better, but they’re sure as hell not perfect.”

“Dan,” Phil stood up and stopped Dan in his tracks. “It’s up to you. It’s not up to Darcy. It’s not up to the universe or society. This is your decision.”

“Well,” he whispered, “I kind of want to.” He walked closer to Phil and put his head on his shoulder. “I kind of want to let the world know that we’re…” his lips curved into a smile “That we’re boyfriends, now.”

Phil blushed at the word. “Yeah, boyfriends.”

Dan stood up straight and grabbed the bowls on the counter. He dumped the excess milk down the drain and put away the milk and cereal. “We’re doing this, then. We’re doing this perfectly. We’re not going to deny anything. Come with me.” Dan took Phil by the hand and led him into the living room, to the corner where Dan’s piano sat. He closed the lid and tapped the top of the piano. “Sit here, on top."

Phil looked concerned. “Isn’t it going to break?”

“No, no,” Dan chuckled. “I’ve done this several times before. It’ll be quite a photo-- a good statement.”

Phil hopped onto the white baby grand piano, his legs dangling off of the edge. Dan took out his phone from his back pocket and shuffled over to between Phil’s legs. He positioned the camera at a flattering angle and then grabbed Phil’s collar and pulled him into a hard kiss. Phil was surprised, to say the least, and the look on his face showed it. He quickly melted into the kiss, though, the many pictures slowly becoming less of Dan pulling Phil down and more of Phil pulling Dan up. Dan replaced the phone to his back pocket and then hopped onto Phil’s lap and there they were, making out on top of a piano.

Dan pulled away to catch his breath. “You think any of those pictures turned out alright? Or do you think they’re… too much?”

Phil smirked, leaning back on his elbows. “Give the people what they want, right? And we’ll worry about the specific pictures later. Let’s shut up and please kiss me again, Howell.”

“Of course,” he said, diving in again.

It was quite a while before they decided to get off of the piano and onto the couch to look at the pictures. They sat down together, snuggling into each other, and Dan pulled up the pictures. He scrolled through them, his breath hitched in his throat. “Fuck,” he groaned, “That’s hot.”

“Too hot?” Phil questioned.

“No, no. Just enough. It’ll let them all know we’ve got chemistry.” He clicked a couple and showed them to Phil. “What do you think? It’s a series-- kind of shows the progression of the kiss. It’ll be cute.”

Phil smiled. “I think so, too.”

Dan chuckled a little to himself. “And Darcy can’t call me out for tarnishing my career or whatever. She’s not my manager. Well, not right now, at least.”

Dan opened Instagram and ignored the DMs and comments he had received over the past twenty-four hours. He uploaded the photos in order and added the caption, _The rumours are true. Phan is real._

They both smiled at that. There wouldn’t be any speculation, now.

 

~~~

 

Dan and Phil had spent the afternoon together, playing Mario Kart and still not caring what the world had to say about them. Dan played and sang for Phil, too, even sharing what he had so far of “Daniel and Depression.” Phil did nothing but praise him and their faces showed no sign of any emotion except for happiness.

Soon, though, it was getting dark again and Phil decided that he should probably get some new clothes and answer any work-related things at his own flat, on his own laptop. He collected the various items of his that were around Dan’s flat, but Dan insisted that he keep the shirt. The two men walked down the stairs hand-in-hand and Dan opened the door. They stepped out into the hall.

And then, Quinton Xavier Harper walked out of the lift.

Dan got close to Phil’s ear and whispered, “This is the dickhead of a neighbor I told you about,” gesturing to him.

“Oh?” Phil smirked and then very overdramatically dipped Dan into a kiss.

Quinton stopped in his tracks. “Oh,” he sneered, “So you two _are_ dating? I saw that on the news. It’s ridiculous that it’s getting this much coverage.”

Phil’s gaze shifted to Quinton and then back to Dan. “God, Dan,” he said darkly, “I’m animalistic. I can’t keep my hands off of you whenever you’re around.” Phil leaned down and kissed him again.

Quinton began to frantically search for his keycard to unlock the door.

They pulled apart and Dan pushed Phil’s quiff back. He kissed up his neck, making sure that Quinton could see exactly what he was doing. He moaned and batted his eyes, going along with Phil’s act. “Fuck, _Daddy_ , I can’t wait until you can tie me up and call me your little slut, again.”

Quinton was blushing bright red as he swiped the card and scurried into his flat.

Dan and Phil cracked up and dropped their _50 Shades_ facades as soon as Quinton was inside the door. “I don’t think he’ll be talking to me ever again,” Dan said, giggling.

“You’ve got that right. Not going to lie, though,” Phil bit his lip and blushed, himself, “I wasn’t exactly expecting that from you.”

“What?” He smirked and got close to Phil again. “You liked when I called you that?” He jokingly moaned again, high pitched. “You like that, Daddy?”

Phil was giggling and continued to blush. “Shut up,” he said through laughter. “I better get going, though, really.”

Dan pulled Phil into a quick, much more innocent kiss and smiled. “I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.”

Phil said a small, “Bye, Dan,” and waved as he turned to go to the lift.

Dan sighed, content, as he saw Phil press the down button. Maybe this wasn’t such a mess, after all. Maybe things would turn out alright.


	10. Chapter 10

It was long after Phil had left and Dan was getting ready to get into bed and browse random Wikipedia articles until some ungodly hour of the morning. However, the phone charging on his nightstand next to him buzzed. He leaned over to see who it was, although he could have guessed. There was a slew of heart emojis and three sentences.

 

_I loved spending time with you this weekend. I really just want to say goodnight, but I was wondering if you’d like to meet up tomorrow and face everyone together. Again, love you and I hope I’m not a bother._

 

Dan smiled to himself, an overwhelming, gushy romantic feeling absolutely overtaking him. In most cases, Dan felt like the phrase “I love you” was a rather empty three words that society told people to say, but was different when he and Phil said it to each other. It really was. It’s wasn’t empty or meaningless at all; in fact, it was the exact opposite. He texted Phil back.

 

_You could never be a bother. And that sounds good to me. Taxis typically aren’t too much trouble but idk how the situation is going to be after this weekend. I’ll call a more private car service and pay for everything._

 

Phil sent a few smiley emojis and another heart.

 

_Thanks so much, you’re the best. Can’t wait to see you tomorrow._

 

Dan sent a goodnight text back and decided that it was probably best to put his laptop away and go to sleep. He wanted to be his best, least-sleep-deprived-self in order to deal with the outside world the next day.

He didn’t really mind going to sleep, though, because instead of poorly-written biographies, articles about random objects unable to be found in England, and the entire history of Uzbekistan, all Dan could see when he closed his eyes was Phil.

 

~~~

 

Early that morning, Dan had called a car service and told it his and Phil’s addresses, along with the theater’s. Phil had texted Dan that he was on his way in the car and Dan was sitting in the flat building lobby, waiting to see it pull up. He dare didn’t step outside or look at all besides from small glances. He wasn’t quite ready to face the fans or paparazzi yet; not this early in the morning. He didn’t see anyone, though, as he sat on a plush armchair chair and looked out at the street. That was a good sign.

Soon, the black, shiny car with tinted back windows pulled up. Dan grabbed his bag and made his way to the door. He took a deep breath in, pasting on a smile, pushed the revolving door around, and stepped outside.

To his surprise, there really was no one.

Dan shrugged and opened the door. He was greeted by a grinning Phil who, as soon as Dan closed the door behind him and settled himself in the car, kissed him sweetly.

“Good morning, Phil. Ready for today?” Dan asked with an unsure smile.

Phil took Dan’s hand in his. “We’re together, right? And we’re happy. We've got each other so we’ll be ready.”

Dan couldn’t stop himself from fully smiling, now. “God, Phil Lester, you’re a sap but I love you.” Those words were genuine and true.

They sat there, driving through the streets of London pretty much silently, just enjoying the presence of each other. Soon though, Dan got to thinking and he really, truly needed Phil’s opinion of something.

“What do you think I should do about the whole Darcy situation?”

Phil shrugged. “Well, what do you want to do?”

“Well…” Dan sighed. “Darcy was-- this is going to sound pathetic, but it’s true-- she was my closest friend before meeting you. And sure, Caleb and Mary are nice, but they’re not Darcy. Well, everything changed because she did not want me to take this job. And yeah, I now know that it was because of Alec, but it hurt our bond. And the truth is…”

“Yes?” Phil smiled softly.

“I miss her. The real her. I don’t want her to think for the rest of her life that I hate her, because I don’t at all. And, really, Darcy was a fricking fantastic manager. I don’t at all know the business side of things and she always booked my concerts and I’m worried, honestly, that I can’t be successful without her!”

“Dan,” Phil said, a voice as calming as the ocean-blue of his eyes. “It will be okay. It really will. I’d give her some time and then call or meet up, maybe, explaining what happened and apologizing and gaining back the mutual respect you two once had. And you know, Darcy might have been good, but I’m sure there’s plenty of other people that would absolutely adore having that job.”

“Yeah,” Dan snorted, and then chuckled, “A bunch of kinky bastards that want to dominate me and tell me what to do, maybe.” He jokingly brought his voice up a pitch, “Oh, Dan, you don’t need to pay me this week. Just let me fuck you and then we’re all even.” Dan’s voice returned to normal. “Yeah, that sure as hell ain’t happening. I already had to deal with that once before Darcy and let me tell you, they were fired on the spot.”

“Not like that at all,” Phil said, unable to keep himself from smiling and shaking his head disapprovingly after Dan’s comment. “Good ones that’ll make sure that the Dan Howell brand is strong and relevant. You know that not everyone wants to take advantage of you, right? I’m not saying you’re not attractive,” he grumbled to himself, “Because you are,” before continuing, “But there are genuinely good people in this world. You know that, right? There are people that really want to help you.”

“I know, I know,” Dan said. “Like you.” He paused for a moment, then added, “Or like Darcy.”

“So, see what happens. If you can get her back, then that’d be great! But if you can’t, it’s not the end of the world.”

He smiled. “I know.” Dan then heard the faint murmur of a large crowd and his stomach dropped. As the car turned the last corner, he saw the source of the noise and sighed in exasperation.

It was what he had feared only fifteen minutes ago. Fans genuinely excited to see them and paparazzi wanting to snap shots for tabloids and websites.

Phil swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “Is that… for us?”

Dan shrugged. “I’d assume so. Somebody probably figured out where we’re rehearsing or where _Starlight Sorcery_ is playing. Between the sometimes-endearing insanity of the Howellers to the paparazzi, they probably just want photos of us together and out and about.”

“Well…” Phil said, shaking, a bit terrified-- not that he'd admit that aloud to Dan. “What do we do?”

Dan smiled reassuringly. “Don’t worry. Paste on a smile, even if it’s somewhat fake, or remain neutral, but not uninterested. If they’re asking questions, give vague answers or don't say anything at all. And there are too many people right here, right now, to take selfies with fans. You can wave, but we can’t do anything more. Does that sound okay?”

Phil nodded, but he was unsure.

“We don’t have any security so we need to make a direct line to the door. The fans will usually part. The fans are usually fine. It’s the paparazzi we have to deal with, really.”

The driver pulled over to the curb and rolled down the window between her and Dan and Phil. “Do you need to go someplace else or can you get off, here?” She asked, her Northern accent significantly thicker than Phil’s.

Dan looked at Phil. “You ready?” He asked.

Phil slowly nodded. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

Dan smiled at the driver. “Thank you, Miss.” He had paid the company upfront. She nodded her head as Dan took his bag in one hand and Phil’s hand in the other. He pushed open the door and stepped out, followed by Phil. There was an eruption of cheers and several snaps from the many cameras. They weren’t going in the main entrance of the theater, but there were still dozens of people crowding the stage door.

Phil froze at the sight as Dan smiled and smoldered, almost posing but nothing so extreme that it seemed abnormal.

Dan pulled along the petrified Phil and began to walk through the crowd to the door. Phil was terrified, the moment nothing but _snap!_ s and _click!_ s and flashing lights and rowdy fans blurred into one dream-like fuzz. Dan kept looking back at him, trying to make sure that Phil wasn’t about to faint, but he didn't stop. Honestly, he kind of soaked it up with his cheeky poses and subtle smiles and yes, Phil thought it was hot as hell, but he wanted to be out of the entire situation as soon as possible.

They were finally at the door and most days, Phil came earlier and unlocked the door for the actors. However, the door was still locked and it would have to be locked behind them for safety purposes. “Phil,” Dan said, “You’ve got to unlock it. Or hand me the key so I can.”

Without a word, Phil pulled his small keychain out of his pocket and handed it to Dan. Despite the noise around them still, Dan tried to smile softly in order to calm Phil down. He turned the key in the doorknob. They hurried inside and shut the door behind them as quickly as they could, making sure to lock it.

“You did great,” Dan said, sighing a breath of relief. Phil, however, exhaled sharply, still nervous. Dan looked at the whiter-than-normal Phil. “You alright?” He asked.

Phil nodded. “Yes,” he said, quietly. They walked down the stairs towards the rehearsal room, Phil still catching his breath. “Is that normal for you?”

“Well, not quite _normal_ ,” Dan said. Phil was flipping on light switches as they passed them. “But, like I said before our date and obviously during our date, it happens sometimes. The tons of people at the door will probably eventually subside and there will only ever be a few at a time, which is certainly more manageable. You’ll get used to it and honestly, I’m more of a second-rate celebrity so tabloids and magazines only ever nag me so much. Teen magazines, mostly.” He jokingly exclaimed, “Wowza!” the echo bouncing off the empty hallways of the theater’s basement. He then explained, “They all think that’s my catchphrase or something.”

Phil nodded and chuckled softly. He had seen those jokes. Although he didn’t actively participate in the Howeller fandom, he did have to admit that he enjoyed the occasional fanwork or meme. Not any fanfiction, though-- absolutely not. Although, his life right now did resemble something like a fanfiction.

They stepped into the rehearsal room. They were the first ones there; it was only around 8:30 and they were due to start blocking, today. To their luck, they’d get to do everything on the stage instead of working in the basement rehearsal room or another place. The previous show’s set and props were all out and the stage was all their’s.

Cast and crew began to arrive, thanks to Alec’s key. Alec and Leah were first, of course. They set their things near the piano and then Alec made his way over towards Dan and Phil. He smiled and said, “Congratulations, you two! If it’s not an issue, you mind if I talk to Phil alone for a moment, Dan?”

Dan smiled and nodded. “Go ahead.”

Alec gestured for Phil to come with him outside the room to the same place that Phil had admitted his crush on Dan, mere days before.

As soon as Dan was out of earshot, Alec said, “What the hell, mate?”

“What?” Phil hissed.

“You really went ahead and made all of your fantasies come true, didn’t you?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You and Dan, of course!” Alec exclaimed. “You two fucked, didn’t you? And that’s why you’re all lovey-dovey and the news stations are all covering you and how there’s another new gay celebrity couple. You are definitely a celebrity now, Phil.”

“No, we didn’t.” Phil shook his head. “We didn’t have sex at all. We’re just boyfriends. We’re just ‘lovey-dovey’ because we love each other, Alec.”

Alec rolled his eyes. “How on Earth can you say that? You’ve been dating for what, three days? Or what? You’ve been dating him in your head for years, now, so it’s all okay to say you two are in love?”

“Alec,” Phil said through gritted teeth. “What does it matter that it’s only been a couple of days? Dan is one of the best people that I have ever met.”

“And besides that,” Alec said, “Do you really think that you and Dan can work together like this? Dating?”

Phil exhaled, annoyed. “You and Leah work together every day of your lives and that’s all good, though? Alec, you’re being ridiculous. Mind your own business.”

“Whatever,” Alec groaned. He looked at his wristwatch and said, “It’s almost 9:00. We better get things going, soon.”

“Right,” Phil said, turning to go back into the rehearsal room. Alec followed him in and then went over to Leah. Phil walked over to Dan.

When Dan realized how flustered and annoyed Phil looked, he shuffled close to him and whispered softly, “Everything okay?”

Phil flashed a quick half-hearted smile and said, “Alec and I are in a bit of a disagreement, but it’s nothing to worry about, really. We’ll get over it all. I know we will.”

Dan nodded. “Well, if you need to talk to anyone, you’ve always got me.”

“Thank you,” he said, pulling Dan into a quick hug.

Caleb strutted into the room and upon seeing them, bounced over to the couple and slapped Dan’s back playfully. “Dude!” He said, mostly addressing Dan, but then looking over to Phil. “You two are gonna be great, together.”

They smiled, both saying a slightly awkward but sincere, “Thank you.”

Phil looked up at the clock on the wall and said to Dan, “It’s about time to get started.” Dan nodded and pulled away from him. Phil clapped his hands together and shouted, “Okay, everyone! Today we begin blocking, so we’ll be going upstairs to the stage.”

The cast began to gather their belongings, shuffle out of the room, and head up the stairs and onto the stage. Dan stayed behind with Phil until they were the last two out of the room.

Phil smiled at Dan. “Blocking is always an adventure. Let’s hope I don’t mess too much up.”

“And even if you do,” Dan responded, “You’ll figure it out. Figuring stuff out seems to be our forte, lately.”

 

~~~

 

The next couple of weeks went by quickly. Things weren’t perfect, not at all, but everyone got by without too much trouble. Sure, Alec and Phil weren’t exactly the friendliest or most comfortable, but they worked together when they had to. Dan still didn’t feel like it was the right time to make up with Darcy, but he swore to himself that he’d do it soon.

The show was all blocked and choreographed, now, and they had begun to do messy run-throughs. The set was being built and the lights and special effects were being designed and worked on.

Everything slowly began to change again, though, after Alec’s accusation became true and Dan and Phil were breathing heavily, body pressed against body, basking in the afterglow of each other for the first time. That night, they fell asleep wrapped together, more in love than ever.

Another couple of days passed and the paparazzi were all pretty much gone from waiting outside of the theater all day. Tabloids weren’t exactly interested in healthy relationships and everyone could freely get pictures of the two on social media if they wanted.

Before rehearsal one day, Alec called Phil into the hall, again.

“Look, mate,” he said, sighing. “I’m sorry I was being such an absolute asshole these past couple of weeks. You and Dan really work. You do. I wish you two the best and I hope we can still be friends.”

Phil smiled. “Don’t worry. We’re definitely still friends.”

 

~~~

 

And then, a couple of days later, Dan felt like the time was right. He and Phil were sitting on the couch together watching Netflix-- Phil seemed to be spending more time at Dan’s than at his own, although Dan certainly didn’t mind-- and then he was hit with a sudden urge to pick up his phone and call Darcy. So he did.

He was mostly afraid that Darcy had blocked him and he’d never be able to get in touch with her again. To his surprise, though, she picked up.

“Hi, Darcy,” he said, trying his best not to be nervous.

“Hello, Dan,” she said. And she almost sounded… happy?

“I just wanted to call you to say sorry. I know I’ve made some mistakes and--”

She cut him off. “It’s okay. It’s really okay.” She softly sighed. “Truth be told, I kind of miss you. And also, I do want to congratulate you and Phil. You seem to be a perfect couple, although if I was still managing you, that’s not exactly how I’d go about announcing a relationship.” She paused for a moment and let out a small laugh. “Though, it was very cute.”

Dan could feel the heat in his cheeks. “Thanks,” he giggled. “So, you’re not mad?”

“Mad? No, not at all. I’m sorry that I got so angry, myself. I really was just very jealous and it was doing horrible things to me. But I plan to stop. As a manager, I should do things in your best interest, not mine.”

Dan smiled. “Speaking of which,” he said, “Would you consider taking your job back? You’re the best manager I’ve ever had and I can’t imagine having another.”

“Yes, of course. And let me say, you’re the best client I’ve ever had. Most celebrities and singers and actors are brats, but you,” Darcy laughed a little, “You may be a bit of a drama queen, but you’re not a brat.”

Dan was full-on smiling, now, eyes crinkled and dimples deep. “Thank you so much, Darce.” Dan realized he had called her that too late; it was already out of his mouth and he couldn’t take it back.

“You know,” she said, “That nickname is really growing on me.”


	11. Chapter 11

Soon, it was a week from opening night. Rehearsals were long and tedious and every minute Phil wasn’t watching runs of the show over and over again, he and Alec were doing last-minute check-in meetings with everyone from costuming, makeup, special effects, props, and set, to the producer himself, Harold Pursley-Spriggs. Everything seemed to be looking up, though Phil wasn’t going to sigh a breath of relief, yet-- that would be happening after opening night-- but he wasn’t absolutely freaking out, so that was good.

Dan was incredibly excited. He had put his heart and soul into Dara and he was ready for the world to see him play such a character. He wanted to see everyone succeed-- Mary and Caleb along with the rest of the leads, as well as each person in the ensemble-- but mostly, he wanted everyone to see just how amazing Phil really was. This would be Phil’s big breakthrough show and soon, playwrights and composers everywhere would want him to take on their shows. Dan was giddy with happiness for him just thinking about the brand new world of possibilities. It was a very special happiness that Dan hadn’t really felt before knowing Phil.

In their little free time, Dan and Phil made an effort to be around each other as often as possible. Two days before opening night, they were both over at Dan’s house. Dan had made a stir fry with plenty of meat and a plethora of many-colored vegetables for the two of them. They were sitting in Dan’s dining room, eating and sipping on Ribena. Sometimes they sat at the kitchen’s island, but today was a day for the dining room. Dan sat at the head of the table with Phil to his left, sitting around the other side but as close to the corner as possible. They turned their chairs to face each other. It was a nice balance between sitting directly next to each other, elbow bumping into elbow, and sitting across one another, which felt somewhat awkward and uncomfortable.

After each of them ate a couple of bites, Phil said, “I’m thinking about having a party for the cast and crew soon, but I don’t know when.”

Dan smiled. “We’ve all got off the Monday after that first opening week extravaganza. We perform ten nights and three matinees, so what, thirteen shows? That’s going to be quite an enjoyable death.” He chuckled. “Starting a show is always so exhausting but it’s so worth it. I’d host the party that Monday evening and then we can all sleep until call on Tuesday.”

“You’re right,” Phil said. “I totally forgot about that, I’ve been so caught up in making sure everything is perfect for Friday. Then, I would have invited everyone over on a performance day-- knowing me, one with both a matinee and an evening-- and everyone would be going to the party dead-tired. And then, they’d all be cranky during the next day’s show and it’d be quite an issue.” He shook his head and looked down at his food. He mumbled a quiet, “Thank you, Dan. I’m a mess most of the time.”

Dan giggled lightly and then poked Phil’s arm playfully. “But you’re my mess, yeah?”

Phil looked up at Dan and grinned. “Yes.”

They continued eating in a wonderful, comfortable silence before Dan opened his mouth to speak, again.

“Where were you thinking of having it?” Dan asked.

“My place,” Phil responded, shrugging

Dan cocked his head. “Don’t you think your flat’s a little small for the whole cast and crew? We could do it here, if you’d like. I wouldn’t mind and then I could help you host it.”

“No, no, I want to host it really. There’s no need to worry because not everyone is going to show up, anyway. And besides,” Phil took Dan’s hand in his. “I’m over here often, but I do still rent my flat. It should have purpose, don’t you think? We haven’t quite moved in together, yet.”

Dan lifted Phil’s hand to his lips and placed a small, soft kiss on it. “Not yet,” Dan whispered with a smile.

“Besides,” Phil continued, “You might have a penthouse, but I’ve got a balcony and I’m going to get a bunch of sparklers because--”

“Because we use sparklers to represent star magic in a couple of scenes!” Dan grinned fondly at Phil. “That’s so adorable.”

Phil nodded. “Thanks,” he responded, beaming. “And also, Darcy is definitely invited if she wants to come.” Phil ate another bite of his slowly cooling stir fry.

“Great,” Dan said, “I’ll make sure to pass on the invitation to her.”

 

~~~

 

Opening night was upon them and the air was filled with a buzzing, nervous excitement. Phil was getting more exercise than he had in a whole month by running back and forth between the lights and sound booth, backstage, and down in the basement by the dressing rooms. Sure, he had a headset on and the crew was asking him and Alec question after question on it, but he was paranoid that something was going to go terribly wrong. However, he was stopped in his tracks when he was in the basement and Dan stepped out in his first costume. It was simple-- a blue polo shirt and khakis, the fictional grocery store’s uniform. That was the one relatively normal costume Dan wore; every performance, they had to pull off a 30-second quickchange for Dara’s galactic makeover. However, the everyday uniform costume was not what caught his attention.

This was the first time all week Phil had really noticed Dan’s stage makeup and got to see it up close. Again, it wasn’t the outer-space fashion of glittery blues and greens, but it was almost prettier than that because it wasn’t so over-the-top. Sure, Dan’s glossy, glittery blue lips looked kissable, and the bright purple eyeshadow was pretty and glittered under the stage lights well, but the eyeliner and brownish-gold eyeshadow, the peachy blush and pink lipstick-- it was somehow better. It looked more Dan. Sure, Dan was over-the-top sometimes. His music videos were often full of weird and flamboyant costumes. But still, somehow, the heavy makeup that defined his features for on a stage-- that’s what was so very Dan.

Phil sauntered over to Dan with a smirk. “Hey, “ he said, “You should wear makeup more often. You look handsome as hell.”

Dan giggled. “You really think so?”

They stood in the busy hallway in their own little world. They didn’t care about the frantic actors and crew members because they had each other and that’s all that mattered.

“Yeah, I do.” Phil sighed and leaned against the wall. “I’m worried, Dan.”

“Worried? About the show?” Dan questioned.

“Yes, of course! What if everyone hates it?”

“They won’t.”

“What if everyone thinks my direction is horrible and no one ever takes my directing profession seriously again?”

“They won’t.”

“What if your fans see the show and they’re disappointed? And what if that’s because of me?”

“Phil, the Howellers love you. Do you know how many Tweets and comments I’ve gotten saying ‘I want more Phil!’ and ‘Phil should be in your next music video!’ and ‘I love Phil and he’s absolutely perfect for Dan!’?” Dan chuckled, “And anyway, aren’t _I_ supposed to be the nervous one, here? You get to sit back and watch the show while I’m up there, stage lights making me sweat profusely, and I need to keep in character, because if I don’t, I could screw up the whole show, couldn’t I?”

Phil sighed. “Dan, but you know what you’re doing and everyone will love you regardless.”

“Exactly!” Dan exclaimed. “And you know what you’re doing. There’s no worth getting worked up about this, Phil.” He brought his hand up to stroke the nape of Phil’s neck and Phil cuddled back into his touch. Dan kissed Phil softly then said, “Everyone’s going to love it.”

Mary walked by as Dan kissed Phil and she said, “You two are cute, but you really shouldn’t be kissing in makeup. Not until after the show, at least. You could mess it all up and then you’d have to do it all over again.”

Dan rolled his eyes at Mary but then smiled. “Fine, fine.” He then got close to Phil and whispered, “But expect a much longer kiss after the show,” and winked with a laugh.

Alec was speaking through Phil’s headset, saying “Twenty minutes until places.”

Phil clapped and repeated the message aloud. “Twenty minutes until places! And I want to speak to all of you in five. Join me out in the rehearsal room as soon as possible.”

Dan followed Phil to the rehearsal room, along with a couple of others that were ready.

Soon, the five minutes passed, and the whole cast was in the room, standing in a circle. Phil looked around at them all with a giant smile on his face. He cleared his throat, then said, “I know all of you are going to do amazing, tonight. Each and every one of you is a fantastic actor and singer and I couldn’t be happier with the show, right now. Go out there and blow everyone away. Bring them into the world of _Starlight Sorcery_ and don’t let them escape. I’m not quite concerned with that, though.” He made eye contact with Dan and they smiled. Dan nodded and Phil continued. “As I sat and watched the last run-through yesterday, I was having the time of my life. I could finally sit back and not worry about yelling at someone if they were doing something wrong or if someone wasn’t where they were supposed to be. Because, really, that doesn’t matter, does it? The experience matters, not every individual detail. All of you, every single one of you, contributes to that whole, wonderful experience. I have full confidence that tonight’s show and every show after is going to be spectacular.”

Caleb started to clap and cheer and soon everyone joined it, much like the first rehearsal of the show.

When it began to die down, Phil shouted with a smile, “Break a leg, everyone!”

There was more chatter and cheering until Phil got a message over his headphone of Alec calling two minutes to places. Phil repeated the call, saying, “Places, everyone! I know you’ll do great.”

Dan hugged Phil tight before jogging out the door and up to his place backstage for his first scene.

Sure, Dan was filled with nerves as any actor is before a performance, but he had total confidence that he, along with everyone else, was going to put on a hell of a show.

 

~~~

   

And a hell of a show it was.

The pit orchestra was playing the medley of curtain call music, but hardly anyone could hear it because the audience was cheering so loud. Phil couldn’t stop smiling. Dan was right, they all had loved the show. The audience showed their loudest noise potential, though, when Dan stepped out to take his bow. The theater was louder than any audience Phil had ever experienced, and that cheer was all for Dan.

As soon as Alec called through his headset that the show was over, Phil was running under the theater to the dressing rooms, able to hear the chattering audience above him. He ran through hallway after hallway, running mostly off of adrenaline, alone. When Phil finally saw him, he couldn’t help himself.

There, right in the middle of the celebrating crowd, Phil scooped Dan into a passionate kiss. As Caleb passed by the couple, he chuckled and joked, “You’ve really got to get a room.”

They pulled apart. However, Dan was a giggling mess. “Oh my God,” he said, grabbing a hand-held mirror off of a nearby table. “Look at yourself!”

Phil laughed at the sight, too. His mouth and the surrounding area was covered in sparkly blue lip gloss-- the same gloss that Dan was wearing only moments before. “Unfortunately,” Phil chuckled, “This isn’t really an appropriate fashion choice on Earth.” He wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. “How do you wear this stuff?”

“What, the blue? Or lipstick in general?” Dan asked.

“Well, specifically the blue but also, yeah, any makeup. It looks nice but geez, this is ridiculous,” Phil said, grabbing a tissue off of the same table and wiping his hand off.

Dan shrugged and smiled. “They say beauty is pain, but really it’s just a series of making yourself look worse and messier until something finally works out okay.”

“Well, it certainly works okay for you,” Phil said.

“Thank you,” Dan said. “Although, Mary _was_ right. My makeup did get all over you.”

Nearby in the crowd, Mary called with one of her model-smiles, “I’m right about most things.”

They both laughed before Phil said, “So be it,” and pulled Dan into another kiss.

Once they pulled apart, Phil said, “Did you hear them all cheering for you? I was afraid they were going to break the sound barrier or something!”

Dan laughed and shook his head. “That’s not what the sound barrier is. You have to go faster than the speed of sound, not just be loud.”

“Well, uh, it felt like the show went very quickly. It seemed like it was over as soon as it started!” Phil said, standing up straighter with an awkward smile.

“I know that’s not what you meant,” Dan said giggling. “Just admit you were wrong, you spork.”

“Fine, fine, I was wrong. I’m not promising I’ll ever use it correctly, though,” he said, his tongue poking out from between his smile.

Dan giggled with him. “Well, I guess no one is perfect, but I have full confidence in you that you can learn the definition of a word.”

“Two words, actually. Together.”

“And we’re two people, actually, together, and you seem to be perfectly fine with us having a certain definition.” Dan poked Phil’s side.

“And what might that definition be?” Phil said with a smirk.

Dan shrugged, but he had a giant grin on his face. “Two dorks in love, I suppose.”

 

~~~

 

The show opened to warm and wonderful reviews. Everyone that saw it that opening week said only good things about it. Raving reviews came from filmmaker and movie director PJ Liguori, to West End actress and author Carrie Hope Fletcher, to critics, the Howellers, and everyone else. Phil was ecstatic, to say the least, and he was even happier to see that everyone adored Dan as Dara. Lots of things had gone very wrong over the past two months or so for Dan and Phil, but lots of things went very right, as well. And _this_ , this was the peak of very, very right.


	12. Chapter 12

Dan had given Darcy a ticket to see the show during the first Wednesday matinee. He had received a couple of tickets to give to family and friends for that matinee, so he invited Darcy along with his Mum, Grandma, and younger brother, Adrian. They were all invited to go downstairs to meet with Dan after the show, too. He was somewhat nervous to hear what Darcy thought of the final product, but when she said her opinion, he was pleasantly surprised.

“I’m so glad you took this role,” she said with a smile. “It was really perfect for you. That whole show-- it was _all_ perfect for you.”

Dan thanked Darcy profusely and tried his best not to say “I told you so.” A few minutes of small-talk chatter passed and just as Dan’s family was going to leave, Phil hopped down the stairs with Alec. Phil froze mid-step and he and Dan made eye contact. He gestured to Phil to come over. Phil swallowed hard and covered his nerves with a smile. He shouldn’t have gotten nervous, there-- he was just meeting some of Dan’s family-- but yet, he did. Phil walked over and stood half-behind Dan.

“You all haven’t formally met, yet,” Dan said with a grin. “Darcy, of course you know Phil, but Mum, Grandma, Adrian, this is my boyfriend, Phil Lester. He directed this musical.” He stepped out of the way so that Phil was more included in the small circle.

Phil said a small, “It’s nice to meet you,” and did a little wave.

Dan’s Grandma suddenly pulled Phil into a hug, which Phil nor Dan was quite expecting. Phil chuckled and hugged her back. “You’re such a talented young man,” she said, stepping away from him. “The show was spectacular and Dan has said such wonderful things about you.”

Phil blushed and smiled. “Thank you,” he said. He had received many compliments the past five days, but this was different. This was approval from Dan’s family.

They stood there and talked about the show. They talked about Dan and Phil and their relationship. They talked and talked until the rest of the cast and crew had nearly finished their dinners-- or at least were still out and about getting them between shows-- and Dan and Phil hadn’t even started their’s, yet. Dan’s family and Darcy decided it was probably time to get going and there were affectionate family hugs between them all-- Darcy being somewhat of a family friend and Phil being somewhat of a new addition to the family.

Phil couldn’t wait until Dan got to meet the Lesters. Kath would almost immediately consider Dan her newest son and Phil knew it. That thought made him more than joyful.

 

~~~

 

Before call on Friday, Dan rang Darcy. She picked up the phone with a sweet-sounding “Hello?”

“Hi, Darce,” Dan said with a smile. He was sitting at his kitchen island.

“Is anything the matter?” She asked, sounding genuinely concerned.

“No, no, not at all,” Dan said. “I was just calling you to let you know that Phil’s having a party at his place this Monday at 7 PM and you’re invited.”

“Sounds fun!” Darcy bounced in her chair. She was shuffling through paperwork, sitting in her home office space, like any other normal day.

Dan drummed his fingers on the sparkling black granite countertop and asked, “So, you think you’ll be coming?”

Darcy sighed, slightly unsure. She knew that Alec would most likely be there and she wasn’t sure that seeing him would result in much good. She was trying to avoid him, trying not to think about him, trying to get him out of her life for once and for all. “I’ll… I’ll think about it,” she finally decided on saying.

“Oh, well, I do hope you can make it,” Dan said. He really did want Darcy to get out and have some fun. Maybe she’d meet someone new at the party? Dan knew Darcy had a silly side, so maybe she’d finally let it shine.

“Bye, Dan,” Darcy said, about to hang up the phone.

“Bye, hope you come!” Dan exclaimed, another attempt to catch her attention. Darcy hung up the phone, but Dan kept smiling down at it as he brought it away from his ear.

Either way, Darcy or not, Dan knew the party was going to be great.

 

~~~

 

Dan was over at Phil’s much before anyone else, helping him to set up. He had bought a helium tank and some silver, blue, green, and purple shiny balloons and they were going to hang up some streamers of the same colors. They were both having fun, goofing off and messing around with each other.

“Hey, Phil, look at me!” Dan filled one of the balloons with helium and lifted it to his lips. He breathed it in and said, “What do you think of my new voice?” He giggled, the laugh just as high-pitched as his voice now was.

Phil grabbed a balloon and did the same as Dan. “I like it so much,” he said through a high-pitched snicker, “That I got a new voice too!”

“Oh my God,” he said, taking in another breath. “What are we, children?”

“You sound like a child, at least,” Phil said, his voice slowly getting lower again.

Just then, his phone began to ring.

“I dare you to breath more helium and answer it,” Phil said, laughing a little.

“ _Phil_ ,” he rolled his eyes playfully, then smirked. “Alright.”

He took in another deep breath and looked down at the call. It was Darcy.

“Hello?” He said, voice high. Phil was chortling in the background.

“Dan? Is that you?” Darcy sounded concerned.

He couldn’t help himself from giggling. “Dan Howell at your service. What do you need, Darce?” He squeaked.

“Oh, uh, okay,” she laughed quietly, not quite sure what was going on but continuing anyway, “I was just calling to let you know that I’ll be over there tonight. Can’t wait, honestly. I think it’s going to be lots of fun.”

“Awesome!” Dan exclaimed. His voice was pretty much returning to normal, now. “See you at 7:00 then, I guess?”

“Yup!” Darcy said with a smile. “Bye!”

Dan said a happy “Bye,” and hung up the phone.

Phil was now standing up by his kitchen counter. His flat was small; horrendously small for a very comfortable party for so many people. The kitchen-- or perhaps, more of a kitchenette-- and lounge were all open to each other and then Phil’s bedroom and bathroom were behind two doors off to the side of the lounge. It was relatively cozy, though, and decorated as only Phil Lester could decorate.

“So Darcy’s coming tonight?” Phil asked with a smile.

“Yeah!” Dan responded.

Phil ducked under a cabinet and pulled out three bottles of wine. He placed them onto the counter.

“Oh,” Dan said with a smirk, “You’re going all out with this, aren’t you?”

“Well, I do sort of want to impress everyone. I want a celebration!” He pulled Dan into a quick hug and said, “We’ve done it, Dan. We really have.”

“You’re right.” They continued to smile at each other as Phil pulled out some snacks and set them up. “Just don’t let Darcy drink too much. Even when she’s a little tipsy she’s a lot to handle. She’s such a silly drunk.”

“A silly drunk?” Phil asked as he poured some crisps into a bowl.

“I’ve been to a lot of parties, Phil, and let me tell you, there’s five types of drunk people,” Dan said with a chuckle. “There’s Darcy, who’s definitely a silly drunk. Then there’s the angry, emotional, and tired drunks. And the last one, well,” he continued to titter, “Is the sexual predator drunk. Let’s hope there’s no one here that’s like that.”

Phil laughed. “Yeah,” he said, “Let’s hope so.”

 

~~~

 

Phil’s party was in full swing. The Spotify playlist that Dan had made specifically for the occasion was playing soft enough so that it was easy to hear others and not disturb Phil’s neighbors, but loud enough so that it was still a prominent noise in the room. Dan had made sure of this and focused on this detail for several minutes before deciding on an appropriate volume.

Dan had introduced Darcy to cast and crew members that he had become friends with early on in the party, but Caleb immediately took a particular liking to her. They sat at the corner of one side of Phil’s couch, separated from the rest of the party in their own little bubble. Between the glass of wine in Darcy’s right hand to Caleb’s strong personality and their similar sense of humor, they were really kicking it off, together. The fact that Alec and Leah were in the same apartment didn’t even cross her mind when she was talking to Caleb, which was something incredibly important to both her and Dan. He was glad that she was finally moving on.

Phil was jumping between conversations, staying a few minutes in one and then walking over to the next to see how everyone was doing. When he made his way over to where Dan, Alec, and Leah were talking, he got close to Dan and said, “You reckon it’s time to pull out the sparklers?”

Leah’s eyes lit up at the word. “Oh! That’s a wonderful idea.”

Dan nodded. “Go for it.”

Phil smiled and was about to pull out his director persona by clapping and shouting at everyone, but decided it probably wouldn’t be such a great idea. He laughed. “You think I should climb on the counter to get everyone’s attention?”

Dan shook his head and grinned. “You know how fricking clumsy you are. You’d literally fall and crack your head open and die.”

“Yeah…” Phil said, bringing his arm up and running his hand over the back of his neck, “That’s probably not such a great idea. So how do you suggest--”

Before Phil could finish, Dan was yelling over everyone. Being trained to have a loud stage voice did have its advantages; it was useful for things like this. “Hey everyone!” Dan shouted, Leah and Alec moving away. “Be quiet for a moment! Phil wants to announce something!”

Phil giggled quietly and said, “Thanks, Dan.” Everyone was now looking at him. “Alright, so, everyone knows how Dara possesses star magic, right?”

Dan laughed, cutting into Phil’s announcement. “So I thought I’d make a deal with the devil and actually possess star magic as a day-to-day life choice, of course! So now, I’m going to perform it and-- no. That’s not what’s happening.”

“But!” Phil made his way over to his small kitchen and opened a cabinet. “In the show, we use special sparklers to represent Dara’s magic.” He pulled out a bag. “Now, these aren’t specially designed for _Starlight Sorcery_ , but I bought sparklers for everyone! They don’t smoke, so we can light them both inside and out, but try not to set my house on fire, okay?”

“Hell yeah!” Caleb jumped up. “Hit me up with one of those!”

Phil handed Dan the lighter and asked him to light them up and carefully pass them to anyone that wanted one.

After handing everyone one, Phil slid down the lightswitch to dim the lights and soon enough, the flat was filled with glowing, sparkling flashes of fire. It was quite a sight, everyone there from cast and crew alike having a fantastic time. Every face had a smile on it, illuminated by the sparklers in everyone’s hands. And Dan and Phil, well, there was only one left for the two to share but they certainly didn’t mind. They would eventually be sharing much more than a sparkler. This was only the beginning and a shared sparkler just sealed that notion.

 

~~~

 

The party had died down and people were leaving, each going their separate ways. Darcy and Caleb had exchanged numbers and Phil had thanked everyone for coming. Among everyone there, the drinks were drunk and the snacks were eaten.

Soon enough, it was just Dan and Phil left. Both were tired, but the flat wasn’t going to clean itself. They didn’t want to push it off until morning because Dan would either be back at his own flat or they would both procrastinate until call the next day and it might not ever get done. Phil got out a trash bag and the two of them cleaned up the miscellaneous cups, napkins, and plates.

“You staying the night?” Phil said upon seeing the small duffle bag sitting outside his bedroom. He hadn’t really noticed it there before or during the party; there were far too many other thoughts that were running through Phil’s head.

Dan smiled, blushing. “If you don’t mind.”

“You know I’d never mind,” Phil lilted. “And it’s good that you’re staying, too. I’ve got a little surprise for you.”

“And what would that be?” Dan questioned.

“You’ll see. We should probably clean all of this up, first.”

Dan began to speed up, a gleam in his eye like a child on Christmas morning.

“Trust me,” Phil said with a chuckle. “It’s significantly less exciting than whatever you’re thinking of.”

 

~~~

 

Phil’s flat was cleaned up and the decorations were all down. Phil hugged Dan close and asked, “You ready for the surprise?”

Dan jumped out of Phil’s grasp. “Of fucking course I am!”

Phil chuckled and walked over to his kitchenette. He pulled out two sparklers from a cabinet and the lighter that he had replaced after the activity earlier that night. “I saved an extra two. Just for us.”

Dan giggled. “Come on, let’s go outside. The night is warm and wonderful.” He practically pulled Phil over to the sliding glass door.

They walked outside and Phil lit Dan’s sparkler and handed it to him. He then lit his own.

“Look,” Dan said with a smile, “Now we’ve both got star magic.”

Phil looked up and out, towards the sky and said, “Too bad there’s too much light pollution to actually see any stars at all.”

“Someday soon,” Dan said with a smile, “We’ll go on a holiday far from London lights where we can see the stars. Someplace where we can lay down and look up and stargaze together, sharing our childhood dreams. And maybe, through some wistful wishing, we could envision a future where they all come true.”

Phil swirled his sparkler around in the air. “But this is enough for now, isn’t it? You and me and some burning sticks.”

“They’re pretty burning sticks, at least,” Dan said with a smile and a shrug.

Phil smirked. “They’re not as pretty as you, though. The stars aren’t either.”

Dan playfully elbowed Phil, making sure not to get too close to his sparkler. “Shut up,” he said, a light blush forming over his cheeks. “I am not.”

“You are, too,” Phil said. Dan opened his mouth to speak but then Phil continued with a cheeky smile and an adjustment to straighten his posture. “And I am the director. I get the final say.”

“Fine, whatever. Yes, sir,” Dan stuck his tongue out, only to collapse into more giggles.

They stood there for a moment, looking over the glowing skyline, leaning on the railing. Their sparklers began to fizz out and finally fade. Phil took Dan’s once his was finished and laid them both on the small plastic table sitting by the door.

Phil turned to look at Dan. “I know this week has been busy, so I’m not really expecting much of an answer, but I’m just curious, so hear me out. Have you worked on ‘Daniel and Depression’ or anything else?”

“Well, no, nothing really on ‘Daniel and Depression.’ I’ve almost been _too_ happy for work on that, lately,” he said with a smile. Then he began to blush profusely and he admitted, “I did write you something, though. A song, actually”

“No way!” Phil exclaimed. “Will I ever get to see it?”

“Of course,” Dan giggled. “Actually, I did record myself playing the piano part.” He tapped his pocket. “It’s saved right here on my phone.”

Phil sidled up to Dan, even closer than he was before. He almost whispered, “And that means you can…?”

“I could sing it for you right now, If you’d like,” Dan said with a small smile.

Phil gasped a little. “I’d love that.”

“Okay,” he slid his phone out of his pocket, slightly nervous. “Don’t laugh, it’s not quite polished. I guess it’s presentable. Not that I’d show it to anyone else but you, that is.” He gave a small laugh and clicked on a few more things on his phone. “Between _Starlight Sorcery_ and you being over at my house so much, it was kind of hard finding the time to write it. Since I wanted it to be a surprise and all, you know.”

Phil smiled softly. “I’m sure I’ll love it, Dan.”

Dan took a deep breath and clicked the play button. It was a soft piano part with lovely arpeggios and beautiful chords, but somehow it blended nicely with the sometimes-obtrusive London nightlife below. Dan began to sing.

 

_Once upon a time, Phil Lester,_

_I was lonely and so sad._

_Now you’re by my side, Phil Lester,_

_And this is the most fun that I’ve ever had!_

 

_Falling in love came so easy,_

_It was everything else that made life a mess._

_Now life is just sunny and breezy;_

_It’s sweet summertime and we’re both less stressed!_

 

_Oh, I hope you know, Phil Lester,_

_You are an angel and me? Guess I’m blessed._

 

_Now I’ll let you know, Phil Lester,_

_That you make my left life right._

_I won’t let you go, Phil Lester,_

_Without a battle, without a fight!_

 

_‘Cause you are the one man that makes me_

_Feel like there’s magic on this darkened Earth._

_When you hold me close, I’m filled with glee,_

_You make me feel like I kind of have worth!_

 

_Ooo, if I lost you, Phil Lester,_

_Forever I would search._

 

The lyrics gave way to a short piano interlude, echoing the opening of the song. It slowly got softer, sounding almost as if it was going to end, but then the piano crescendoed and Dan’s voice entered once again, stronger than before.

 

_Love is an all or nothing,_

_That’s what I say, at least!_

_‘Cause if love wasn’t all or nothing,_

_No one could ever be at peace,_

_And I’m at peace with you!_

 

He got softer once again, coming close to Phil-- closer to Phil than he had been all night-- to sing the last part.

 

_Tell me, tell me, please, Phil Lester,_

_You’ll love me forever, too._

_‘Cause I’m in love with you._

_Yes, I’m in love with you._

 

Phil pulled Dan into a kiss. It was long and wonderful and exactly everything both of them needed. “Oh my God, yes, Dan, I love you. Is that even a question?” He chuckled, then pulled Dan closer once again for another kiss. “Thank you for that song, thank you for being in _Starlight Sorcery_ , and thank you-- this is going to sound ridiculous-- but thank you for falling in love with me.”

Dan leaned his forehead again Phil’s. “Look. Nothing can magically cure depression. I’m sure that sometime soon the inevitable is going to happen and I’m going to wake up one day and refuse to do anything but lie there and sulk.” He planted a small kiss on Phil’s nose. “But you? You’ve come close. Phil, I’m happier than I’ve ever been. And it’s all because of you.”

“We might have been through a lot these past two months but we got through it,” Phil said with a smile. They were now cuddling next to each other, still leaning on the railing.

Dan chuckled. “Now you can work through a whole herd of paparazzi and you’re known within West End culture as director of _Starlight Sorcery_ and That Singer Dan Howell’s boyfriend. How’s it feel?”

Phil laughed. “I couldn’t ask for anything more.”

And that was true. They were both happier than they had ever been before, now that they had each other. Dan might not have really had star magic, but to Phil, he was the most magical human being to ever walk the earth.

Phil made Dan feel like he had a more personal purpose to be happy. It broke his heart to let anyone down, but Phil? If he couldn’t do it for himself, he had to tell himself it was for Phil and he was happy enough doing that; at least for now. Dan couldn’t ever consider himself lonely, anymore, either, since he always had Phil, which was yet another perk.

As they stood there, looking at the twinkling London skyline, all they could think about was how there is always light at the end of darkness. Light from stage lights. Light from sparklers. But, really, the brightest shining gleam of all was the light from each other.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!! I hope you've enjoyed the story and my first phanfiction is officially complete!
> 
> ~~~
> 
> Come check me out on tumblr @phantasticphun if you haven't!  
> Special thanks to @vsoftdnp (also on tumblr) for beta reading.


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